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The boy is suspected of being killed by his biological mother and stepfather, why does "tiger poison not eat son" not work?

More than 20 days after his disappearance, the Shanxi boy was found in the grave of his stepfather's elders. Subsequently, his birth mother and stepfather were taken away by the police for investigation.

After forensic identification, the child's two rows of ribs were broken, suspected to have been trampled on with a foot, the child's teeth were knocked out, and the child's ears were bleeding.

The boy is suspected of being killed by his biological mother and stepfather, why does "tiger poison not eat son" not work?

Image source: Weibo @ Beijing News

Many people originally thought that this was a case of a child who disappeared after running away from home, and prayed for the child's safe return, but unexpectedly, it involved a brutal homicide.

What is even more outrageous is that the child's biological mother and stepfather searched for their son in the live broadcast room many times after the child "disappeared", and when it came to the emotional part, tears rained down, and the "acting" was purely deceived by many people.

It is said that "tiger poison does not eat children", why would the biological mother be so cruel to her child, and also vainly want to perform a drama of finding relatives in order to escape the punishment of the law?

After the parents divorce and looking for a new partner, does the family become complete, or is it more divided and twisted?

01

Triangular relationship: children, biological parents and new partners

In the incident of Shanxi boys, there is a crucial person, that is, the child's stepfather.

Overseas Chinese's biological parents have lived together for nearly 20 years and divorced a year ago, with the eldest son following his father and the youngest son Qiao Qiao staying with his mother. About a month later, the birth mother began to associate with the child's stepfather, and the overseas Chinese also moved to the stepfather's house with the mother.

You know, this stepfather is not a good person, he has serious violent tendencies, he has previously "beaten away" two wives, and also beat his own daughter.

Since Overseas Chinese lived with his stepfather, people around him found that he often had scars on his body, and they all speculated that it was his stepfather.

It can be said that the most direct and fundamental cause of the tragedy of overseas Chinese is his irascible stepfather and confused mother who does not distinguish right from wrong.

The boy is suspected of being killed by his biological mother and stepfather, why does "tiger poison not eat son" not work?

Image source: TV series "Dear Child"

Family therapy psychologist Murray. Bowen famously introduced the concept of the "family triangle", which argues that children, fathers, and mothers constitute the smallest stable unit of human relationships.

If two people in a triangular relationship have a conflict, the third party usually plays a mediating role and resolves the conflict.

However, when parents divorce, families are divided, and one of the spouses forms a new family with their children, the triangular relationship is likely to lose stability and become rigid and dangerous.

This is because in traditional family relationships, children are often the most important people in the family. If there is a conflict between the child and one of the parents, the other party will usually resolve the family conflict out of the principle of maximizing the interests of the child.

But in reorganized families, the child's biological parents are caught between the child and the new partner, and usually make decisions that are detrimental to the child in order to "please" the new partner and balance the family relationship.

As a result, children also develop a "sense of deprivation", believing that a new member of the family has caused the division of their own family and the estrangement from their stepparents and stepparents.

02

The heavy pressure of women's lives

Reorganizing relationships between family members is delicate, so conflicts can manifest themselves in many ways.

First of all, due to the divorce of their parents, the children of the reorganized family have already experienced a separation and may be psychologically vulnerable.

In the novel The Shadow Stealer, the protagonist's father suddenly leaves home without warning and reunites the family with other women.

Since then, the boy has long lived with self-blame, believing that he is not good enough to keep his father. So, his childhood has been living in denial and doubt about himself.

The boy is suspected of being killed by his biological mother and stepfather, why does "tiger poison not eat son" not work?

Image source: TV series "In the Name of the Family"

Second, the child thinks that he has two families, and different families may have differences in thinking patterns and ways of doing things, which will lead to cognitive fragmentation of the child.

For example, one party in a reorganized family may be hostile to the original match, that is, the child's biological parents, which may seriously affect the child's relationship with the biological parents.

In the child's memory, he got along well with his biological parents and was not treated badly, but in the reorganized family, they may often hear negative comments about their biological parents, which will make the child feel at a loss and do not know what kind of attitude to use to face their loved ones.

The boy is suspected of being killed by his biological mother and stepfather, why does "tiger poison not eat son" not work?

Image source: TV series "Little Huanxi"

Finally, society has a tendency to stigmatize "reorganizing the family", which will cause greater pressure on children.

I once saw a news that in the blind date corner where parents help their children choose a mate, there is a "don't want from a divorced family", which is discrimination against others' native families.

Many children are worried that others will know that their parents are not related to them, so they are afraid in interpersonal communication and become a withdrawn person.

03

How restructured parents and children get along

In today's society, divorce and family restructuring have become a topic that cannot be ignored. The survey shows that the divorce rate in mainland China has increased from 0.96‰ in 2000 to 3.1‰ in 2020, and the emergence of a large number of divorced parents has further highlighted the need for reorganized families.

The boy is suspected of being killed by his biological mother and stepfather, why does "tiger poison not eat son" not work?

Image source: Ministry of Civil Affairs statistics

So, if we become a stepfather or stepmother of a child one day, how do we get along with the child?

In the TV series "Family with Children", there is a stepfather Xia Donghai. He remarried with two children and raised three children with his wife, who had a son.

In this process, he treated each child as equally as possible, never making it difficult because Liu Xing was not his own child, but handled family issues fairly and justly, and tried to give equal attention to each child.

The three children in the family did not feel inferior because of the reorganization of the family, and became a happy and harmonious family.

As a child in a reorganized family, you should be more tolerant and respectful, even if you can't immediately become like a family with your stepfather and stepmother, you can do it without interfering with each other and cultivate family affection in the long stream of getting along.

My friend Xiao Je is a child who grew up in a single-parent family, and when her stepfather came to the family, she was already in high school and living in school. The stepfather treated her very well, even came forward to defend her when she and her mother quarreled, and the two had not had any conflict in so many years.

However, Xiao Je always felt that her stepfather's sense of boundaries was very strong, as if he was getting along with her with a flattering attitude, which made her feel very estranged and could not get close.

However, she didn't think there was anything wrong with it, because reorganizing the family didn't cost her anything, so it didn't hurt to get less.

The boy is suspected of being killed by his biological mother and stepfather, why does "tiger poison not eat son" not work?

Image source: TV series "Family with Children"

In this world, there are no perfect biological parents, let alone perfect stepfathers and stepmothers.

In the face of new relatives and new family relationships, perhaps every child and parent cannot be calm. We all have complex and unique emotions, so we don't have to demand perfection.

As long as you have a good heart for your family and are willing to work hard for the common future of your family, I believe that one day, reorganizing your family will also become the strength of everyone who is in it.

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