This article was first published in Ten Points Reading (ID: duhaoshu)
Have done a psychological test:
If there is still the last day left in your life, what do you regret the most in this life?
Everyone will have a different answer to this question.
But I believe that most people's answers may not escape such an essence:
The regrets at that time were all unimpressed at this moment, and even indulged.
At the last minute, not many people realize:
What we do today is the cause and effect of tomorrow.
Recently, I saw a hot post in Little Red Book, and I was infinitely embarrassed.
Swipe down
The owner is a graduate student from an Ivy League institution.
He was only 36 years old and was diagnosed with cancer.
In the last days of life, talk about life's greatest regrets.
She admitted:
"I regret that I didn't live my life as I wanted."
When I was an undergraduate, I didn't choose the English interpretation I wanted to read, and my parents changed it to international finance;
After graduation, she went to the Big Four accounting firm just because her parents wanted her to do this;
At work, I always work overtime and stay up late, travel all year round, and have no time to take leave, so I can't find a little time to breathe.
After learning of the cancer diagnosis, her first reaction was not rejection, sadness or unwillingness, but:
"I actually feel a little happy in my heart because I finally have time to stop and do whatever I want."
On the surface, she is a decent, glamorous top elite;
In fact, strong ability means heavy tasks and crazy overtime.
Behind the glamorous income is the inner torment, which is the abandonment of self.
Behind every gift you ask for from fate is a price.
We all know that.
What really makes this story unpleasant is:
The gift you paid a huge price for is not what you want.
The poster told his story in the post.
It has aroused the empathy of too many people.
I majored in international finance at university.
Even if she didn't like it, she was trying to do her coursework well, brushing her intermediate accounting three times in order to improve her grade point average.
Hard learning what you don't like will be painful to depression.
Moreover, you have to learn well.
At the hardest time, she sat on the dormitory balcony every day thinking about whether to jump off.
Still not free after working.
Because of the high salary, she went to the best accounting firms.
It can make parents happy and can continue to be other people's children.
But behind the high salary is:
Crazy overtime, all year round.
I don't leave the house at 7 o'clock every day and get home at 9 o'clock every day.
I have to work overtime when I get sick and fever, I have to work overtime on weekends, and I Chinese New Year's Eve also work overtime, until I collapse and cry.
Plus, travel a lot.
In those years of work, there were several years of long-term business trips, flying three cities a day, 50,000 kilometers of high-speed rail a year, and more than 99% of the population by plane.
She does more alone than three times the amount of work.
Several times, the body really couldn't eat it.
She asked the leader for leave, but before leaving, the leader asked her to cancel overtime;
I had a year of physical pain, and I waited until I collapsed during the New Year holiday before going to the doctor.
There is no denying that this girl is super super.
Even during such a busy schedule, she still finds time to study her favorite major.
And as long as she wants to do anything, she can basically do it.
After working for a few years, she got a job as the best financial media reporter in China with her own efforts.
At the same time, he also received graduate admission from Ivy League institutions.
But we have all seen that behind the extreme excellence is extraordinary efforts and unimaginable pain.
It is also exchanged for accelerated depreciation of the body.
If the result is what you really want, then even if you work hard, you can enjoy it.
But the truth is that she has been working hard against her will, and "forced" herself to be at the top.
The effort and mental effort required to withstand is several times that of others.
Pedal all the way until your body lights up red.
The body is fair to everyone.
If you keep it carefully, life will last forever;
You consume quickly, you overdraw, and life may come to an abrupt end at some point.
The second point that is embarrassing to the owner is, as mentioned earlier:
She is already so good, but she does not have the slightest joy of success.
Because that's just what her parents expect her to be.
Not the life she wanted.
When she applied for a job after graduating from high school, she wanted to choose English interpreting.
But with the persuasion of his parents, he studied international finance.
The reason is that this profession is more popular and better employed.
For four years, the only thing she could do for herself was to take her favorite Chinese literature.
And took the first place in the class.
But in the eyes of utilitarian parents, this achievement is worthless and a waste of time.
After graduating, I entered the best accounting firm with my ability.
Not because of the professional counterpart, but simply because of the high salary.
It can make parents happy, have face, say it to show off, and continue to be someone else's child.
Even behind the glamorous scenes, overtime is a common thing, and business trips are even more frequent.
Another reason why she works so hard is:
She couldn't control herself.
Her parents' super controlling desire has developed her "flattering personality".
In the family, unconditionally obey the expectations of parents;
At work, work hard, just in exchange for a praise from the leader.
Every time she worked overtime until she wanted to cry and couldn't hold on, she would call her father to confide.
What can be obtained is often not comfort, relief, but scolding.
It's useless to scold her, scold her for not being strong enough.
That kind of mood, it's hard to describe:
It's a kind of me who does my best to satisfy you;
But when I need you, not only is there no one behind me, but even snow is falling in the sky, and pieces fall on the collapsed emotions.
It's not that she hasn't fled and saved herself.
In order to get closer to the job she wants, she has received the best media reporters and admission notices for graduate students abroad with her efforts between busy work;
Dislike the current distance and state between herself and her parents, she also got the status of permanent residence abroad.
However, the result of every struggle to save oneself is to fall back to the same place.
Graduate students originally planned to study a favorite major, but were pushed by their parents to continue studying finance, which they did not like;
The green card that took a lot of effort to get was strongly opposed by his parents, and it was impossible to leave, and it was even more impossible to leave.
All efforts have not resisted domestication from childhood to adulthood,
The strength to fight for their lives was all dissipated in the face of the irresistible majesty of their parents.
The dazzling and excellent life in the eyes of others is just her shell.
Her life is only a continuation of her parents' will, never her own choice.
After reading the story of the sticker, everyone felt a pity.
She is so smart and excellent, and there is a great life waiting for her.
But under the high pressure and dictation of her parents, her life was burned at an extremely fast speed.
If the cost of quickly consuming lives is known in advance,
I don't know if the owner has the courage to rebel against his parents.
I don't know if parents regret their harshness with their children.
At the end of the post, she sincerely gave you a few suggestions through her life:
1. Don't listen too much to your parents, don't live for the sake of face and the eyes of others.
Because you can only live once.
Your life is never a sequel to your parents or a prequel to your children.
Just listen to what your parents say, especially as an adult.
In your life, the ultimate dominance is in your hands.
To meet strong parents, you need to have the determination and courage to rebel.
I know it's hard, and childhood experiences make your "solitude" extra difficult and painful.
Especially in my generation, the sense of boundaries between parents and children has never been so clear.
But I want you to remember that no one has the right to take your life.
Not even parents.
You have the first decision on what kind of life you want to live.
2. Your own happiness and health must always come first.
Some people ask, what is the meaning of life?
Human life, in the face of the vast universe, is meaningless.
What is truly meaningful is for each of us as an "individual".
Our experience and feelings at every moment is the meaning of our life.
If there's something you don't know whether to do, listen to your "first reaction."
If you are unhappy, if your body is unwell.
That's not desirable.
You know, in this world, nothing is more important than your own feelings, than your physical health.
3. Don't beat yourself up just because you don't get unconditional love from others for a while.
You were born worthy of love, without any preconditions.
If no one loves you, you can love yourself fiercely.
Don't sacrifice your feelings, health, and life because of a lack of love, to fulfill others' grievances.
No one deserves it, including parents, lovers, children ...
Please also remember:
If someone really loves you, they will never let you consume yourself to achieve what they want.
4. "Unhappy + staying up late for a long time", you will really get cancer.
Taking care of your body is important, as is maintaining your emotions.
long-term unhappiness, will be depressed;
Long-term irregular life will affect physical health.
In the occurrence of many cancers, emotions are the main signs.
In any case, keep yourself in a good mood.
A person's life is a drop in the ocean.
Whether poor or rich, success or failure, living according to your own will is worth the ticket price of life and living up to this life.
After learning that he was diagnosed with cancer, he finally decided to get rid of the life eroded by his parents.
She moved to her favorite city, and she was determined to leave even though her parents objected.
In her past life, she lived for her parents and a word of praise from her leaders, but she did not live for herself.
She has allowed her emotions and feelings to be suppressed for too long.
"The first time I went against my parents' will, I respected my inner feelings, and I felt great."
Next, she has more things she wants to do, and she has made a life list:
Get a pilot's license, fly a private jet around the world, skydive, get a pet, write a novel, and live in Europe for a while.
At the end of the post, she said to herself:
Hopefully, there is still a chance to come true.
Life often has too many paradoxes.
We always realize what is most important when time is running out;
It is always when we are terminally ill that we understand how important health is to us.
And when we are young and healthy, we rarely realize that today's behavior is tomorrow's answer.
If you don't want to live up to life and time, ask yourself now:
What is what you are willing to do and what is against your will?
Welcome to write the answer in the message area.
I hope you can follow your own heart and make decisions, instead of living a life in the eyes of others.
Regularize your life and heal your emotions.
Everyone has only one life, in order to be able to witness more beauty.
Please cherish your health and respect your heart.
Taking care of your body and soul is more important than anything else.