Text | Rice grain mother
A few days ago, there was a lot of noise under a hot search on Weibo.
Just after Mother's Day, a mother posted a piece of content on the short video platform, a boy who looked like a junior high school student kept wiping his tears with a tissue, crying very aggrieved and sad.
The text accompanying the video says that the boy bought her a large bouquet of flowers under the pretext of hanging out, wanting to give her a holiday surprise.
But she did not appreciate it, but felt that her son was wasting money because buying flowers for the holidays was expensive and impractical.
Her original words are as follows: "I get angry when I see it, this thing that is not real at all, and I have to throw it away after two days."
After counting down, he forced the child to go back to the flower shop to return the flowers.
A child's enthusiasm and love for his mother was extinguished by a slashing accusation.
Although he was very reluctant, he obediently went to return the flowers.
When he returned home, the boy's emotions collapsed, and he cried all the time aggrieved.
Mom didn't understand it, she thought that gift-giving is to "make the person who gives it happy, and the person who receives it is happier, which is a really good gift."
He also said, "Mom will tell you what she needs." ”
From a rational point of view, this mother's statement is not wrong, but from a sentimental point of view, this mother's approach is really unacceptable.
It is Mother's Day, and the child wants to give a gift to express his heart, he can see his mother's dedication and know how to be grateful, which is a gratifying act.
Moreover, the boy had asked his mother what he wanted beforehand and expressed his willingness to give gifts, but his mother said that he did not need anything.
I really can't guess my mother's thoughts, the boy will think of buying a bouquet of flowers, hoping that his mother will be in a good mood, but he didn't expect such a result.
In the video, the child cried very sadly, and it was very unpleasant to see the rice grain mother's heart.
Imagine how you feel when you give a well-prepared gift to your loved one, only to be scolded by the other person.
Coincidentally, during the New Year this year, a boy in Nantong, Jiangsu Province also encountered such a thing.
He saw that his mother's mobile phone had been used for a long time, and he was so worn out that he was not willing to replace it, so he planned to use the pocket money and money he had saved to buy his mother a new mobile phone.
He went to the mobile phone store to carefully select, and also bargained softly with the store manager, and finally the store agreed to sell him the original 1799 yuan display machine for 1400 yuan.
After saving money and buying a good mobile phone, the boy was very excited, and he hid it in his arms, wanting to go home and surprise his mother.
But what he didn't expect was that his mother not only had a hint of surprise and a smile on her face after seeing the mobile phone, but also full of anger and accused him with a split face: "You are spending money indiscriminately!" Hurry up and return your phone! ”
The mother in the video was so angry that she didn't realize how much her son worked hard for this gift.
This is not an exaggeration described by the rice grain mother, sisters who have watched the video should know that this mother's expression can really be described by the word "hideous".
Across the screen, I could feel the boy's helplessness, a warm scene that should have been full of surprise and emotion, but full of anger, accusations and depression.
In fact, from these two mothers, I have seen many epitomes of East Asian parents, especially mothers.
The "impractical" and "indiscriminate spending" they say actually come from a deep sense of unworthiness in their hearts.
The trivial and even difficult daily life wears them out of sight, and they lose the ability to discover, appreciate and accept beauty.
Rotten strawberries, rotten blueberries, rotten bananas, scraping watermelon skins, eating toast edges, eating vegetables only to pick up not fresh, are all the daily life of old mothers.
There are also rice fans in the comment area mentioned that our generation's mothers, used to frugal days, we have heard that girls who grow up in this environment will be more or less dominated by this "sense of unworthiness".
I feel that I am not worthy of a bouquet of flowers, and replace it with rice noodles and vegetables, enough for the whole family to eat a hearty meal; I feel that I don't deserve a new mobile phone, change into clothes and shoes, enough for the whole family to wear for a season.
But they ignore that accepting the gift of children's affection is also a natural enjoyment for parents to get emotional rewards for their love, and this acceptance is both respect for their children and respect for themselves.
They are reluctant to spend money for themselves, and they are even more reluctant to let their children spend money for themselves, and their "sense of unworthiness" not only makes them suffer grievances, but often brings another kind of harm to their children.
From the responses of the two children, it can be seen that their lives are not very prosperous, and the rice mother can understand the two mothers' careful calculation and practical attitude to life, and also understand that they want to teach their children to be pragmatic and live within their means.
However, their attitude and expression towards children put children in a very embarrassing situation.
The mother is very aggrieved, the child is also very aggrieved, what caused such a lose-lose situation?
It's that there are words that will not be said well.
Not only did not communicate well, but also titled "for your good", "knife mouth tofu heart" and other full of didactic names, but the child's world is very simple, in their hearts, "knife mouth" represents "knife heart", these languages bring pouring rain.
Psychologist Li Xue once said: Language is a wonderful thing, parents' response reflects the choice of parents' education methods, and also reflects the quality of parent-child relationship.
Simple and rude rejection, angry eyes, children intuitively receive from such an attitude, is the feeling of disgust.
Just like the two children mentioned earlier, they saved their pocket money, picked and bargained, they all felt full of achievement, and prepared a surprise for their mother, but they were counted and reprimanded by their mother, who only focused on reality.
Naturally, the child is separated from the mother by a wall in his heart.
Perhaps the subsequent development will be like the comment area said: "It's a pity, this mother may never receive such a loving gift from her child again..."
A stone, a small painting, a flower, a leaf... Do you remember that children were so fond of giving us gifts that they wanted to read the look of surprise on our faces?
Children will find their own value in our feedback: I am needed, and I have the ability to make others happy.
The feelings of love and joy that come from us are the source of nourishment for their hearts.
If every time they give with joy, what they gain is indifferent rejection and leave bad memories, I am afraid that they will not repay their parents in this way in the future life.
Perhaps then these parents will start complaining that their children don't know how to be grateful.
Rice mothers feel that many times parents refuse gifts and kindness from their children, and another more common reason is "duplicity".
Obviously very happy, I like the little surprise brought by the child, but when the words come to his lips, it becomes "How to buy things blindly." ”
Orientals seem to be ashamed to express their love, just like the Japanese don't even say it directly, but just hazy and throw it to you, tonight's moonlight is so beautiful.
We are the same, for example, Grandpa Mi's way of being good to us is to silently help do all the work well, and then stubbornly twist his face to our gratitude and show love.
Now that we have become parents, what we have experienced, we should not let our children experience it.
After all, if the child is full of love, but the parents are stingy to express love, how can the child feel the warmth of love?
As parents, we must properly give our children a scene, so that children can feel their parents' feedback on love, so that children can have the courage to continue to express love next time.
Only by warming the child's heart can he radiate warmth outward.
Expressing love boldly and accepting love boldly is what we teach our children by word and deed.
Pragmatism is true, but it should not be expressed with unsympathetic reprimands.
Moreover, romance and practicality have never been an either/or relationship, and the true meaning of life is just to look up at the romantic starry sky in addition to being down-to-earth.
Cherish the children's small sense of ritual, take care of their innocent minds, and let love flow, so that when they encounter difficulties, they will remember that they are still needed and cared for.
Fortunately, in everyone's comments, the boy's mother realized that what she had done would bring so much harm to the child.
Because the family is very difficult, when she saw her son bring a bag of flowers home, she guessed that she spent a lot of money, thinking that it would be more appropriate to buy food and clothing for her son, so she did not control her emotions.
She also said that she did something wrong and hurt her son's self-esteem, and she regretted it, but from now on, she will also change herself and cherish her son's every thought.
The misunderstanding is solved, which is also a heartwarming ending.
In fact, a bouquet of flowers on a special festival and a new mobile phone bought only once in a few years will really make these two families so tight that they can't open the pot?
In contrast, the rice mother feels that the child's gratitude and filial piety should be cherished more.
Moreover, there are many opportunities to educate children, so why put on a cold face at this touching moment when a mother and son are filial piety?
Sixpence under your feet is important, but it's also nice to sneak around occasionally and look up at the moon, isn't it?
Personal profile: @米粒妈爱分享 rice grain mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning dry goods, educational experience and further education.