Author: The main creative group Xiaotian
Douban scored 9.4 points, with rave reviews, making the whole network call "too much stamina".
The recently popular "Long Season" has undoubtedly become the best domestic TV series in the public's minds in recent years, and there is no one.
And the reason why it is sealed is not only the gripping suspense plot and the presentation of a very old atmosphere. Every character in the play has distinctive characteristics and shines.
Among them, the most impressive is the protagonist Wang Xiang played by Fan Wei.
He spent nearly two decades chasing the murderer just to find the truth about his son's death. That persistence and forbearance are moving.
However, as a typical Chinese father, Wang Xiang has a serious "father-based" thinking.
In the face of his son Wang Yang, he is accustomed to teaching while disgusted, and the strong "daddy smell" on his body has been complained by netizens, and they have said: "My father is also like this!" ”
In fact, in real life, there are too many parents who, like Wang Xiang, do not care about the way parents and children communicate. In family education, we always overlook a small but important detail - learning to talk well to children.
Parents who cannot speak are a child's nightmare for the rest of their lives
There is such a scene in the play.
His son Wang Yang was writing poetry in the room and was discovered by Wang Xiang, who broke straight in.
He couldn't help but snatch the book, not caring about his son's reluctance at all.
He flipped through it with interest, and read:
"Snap your fingers.
He said, we snap our fingers in resonance. ”
Seeing this, Wang Xiang began to preach, criticizing his son's writing that did not fit and rhyme, and should be changed to:
"Snap your fingers, blow the trumpet, tick."
In the face of his father's wanton comments, the helpless Wang Yang looked a little impatient. And such an attitude infuriated Wang Xiang, and he immediately turned his face and reprimanded his son:
"You kid, don't you give a face?"
At the same time, he began to talk about things with exams, and put forward a lot of requirements for his son ...
The familiar scene and familiar daddy taste made millions of viewers feel the same way. In fact, the plot is the epitome of life. Have the following parent-child communication methods long been accustomed to you?
1. Habitual picking
The CCTV program "Psychological Interview" once interviewed a girl who gnawed the old for ten years, Fan Chengjin.
At the age of 33, after graduating from college, she neither married nor looked for a job, but rightfully nestled at home and became a long-term gnawing old man.
The reason why she is like this is inseparable from her upbringing. From childhood to adulthood, she has always lived in the bad reviews of her parents -
She loves sculpture and painting, but her parents scoff at her hobbies: "What's the use of liking that?" Can't do anything! ”
She wanted to cook a meal for her family, but was hit by her parents: "Why are you putting water on hold so much?" You can't cook a meal! ”
When she hit a wall in her job search, instead of comforting her, her parents were extremely sarcastic: "If you can do it, dogs can do it." ”
In Fan Chengjin's impression, her parents are always so vicious, and what they are most enthusiastic about is to provoke her every move.
Over time, she not only suffered from severe psychological disorders, but also became completely self-confident and afraid to deal with others; And he became increasingly resentful of his parents, and eventually completely abandoned himself and lived as he hated the most.
Bad critic parents, words are like a knife, destined to cut the child's heart into holes.
2. Talk about the big reason at every turn
Ever watched a video online.
An eight- or nine-year-old girl made a mistake and said that she wanted to be quiet after being criticized by adults, but her mother still preached unrelentingly:
"Are you wrong or right about today?"
"Wrong or not? Should there be a lesson? ”
"You still haven't realized your mistake!"
A series of aggressive questions made the little girl's emotions completely collapse. She cried and yelled, "I've already admitted my mistake, what else do you want?" ”
Finally, in the face of the girl's repeated requests that she wanted to be quiet, the mother reluctantly agreed, but did not forget to add:
"You can be quiet, but after the silence, write me a review..."
Many people say that this girl has a big temper and should not contradict her parents. But in fact, the main reason for it is that her parents' communication methods have gone wrong.
When there is a conflict between parents and children, parents' blind preaching and reasoning, not only can not resonate with children, let them admit mistakes and learn lessons convincingly, but will be like adding fuel to the fire, making the parent-child relationship more tense.
As the educator Rousseau said: "The three most useless methods of education in the world are: reasoning, tantrums, and deliberate moving." ”
Parents who love to preach, the long speech is like a wall, so it separates themselves from their children.
3. Verbose and nagging
Earlier, a survey of more than 2,000 high school students in Shanghai showed that "there are obvious communication barriers between modern teenagers and their parents and teachers, and 36.4% of them hate their parents for endless nagging." ”
The chatter, we thought it was bitterness. But in the child's opinion, it will only lead to growing disgust and boredom.
On social platforms, some netizens posted for help - "How can I make my mother less verbose?" ”
It turned out that this netizen liked to play games, so he was always nagged by his mother all day.
But the more he was reminded repeatedly, the more he didn't want to obey. Under the rebellion, he simply planned to break the jar and break.
Professor Li Meijin pointed out: "Before the age of 6, the nagging and words of parents are gold; After the age of 12, the words of parents are rubbish. ”
Tang monk-like parents not only cannot speak to their children's hearts, but are also destined to only push their children farther and farther.
Talk well with your child, please remember these three parent-child communication points
The book "Learning to Talk to Children" writes: "The purpose of communicating with children is to promote the relationship between parents and children, and on the basis of a good parent-child relationship, to educate children, motivate children, and help children achieve their ideals." ”
Therefore, truly effective parent-child communication can never be achieved by dry "speaking". We must connect with the hearts of our children.
And to do all this, the following parent-child communication points are key-
1. Start from the child's perspective when communicating
A psychologist once shared a short story.
A father picks up his son from school one day, and the first thing the child says when he sees him is: "Dad, I don't want to learn!" ”
At that time, he did not rush to blame his son, but said two words:
"Child, I understand you. I didn't like school when I was your age, and your grandparents beat me up for it. ”
"Let's go home first, and then discuss it after dinner, what will we do next if we don't go to school, how?"
In this way, the father not only avoided the possible outbreak of parent-child conflicts, but also calmed his son's emotions and gave him time to recover.
In the evening, the boy, who had been completely calm, revealed the truth to his father - it turned out that he had failed the exam that day, so he became frustrated, and suddenly tired of school under impulse.
It can be seen that in the process of parent-child communication, parents must always start from the child's perspective and firmly "catch" their feelings.
Only by learning to understand and empathize can we truly understand the needs of children, so as to prescribe the right medicine and solve the problem.
2. Cultivate children's interest in chatting
How to make children fall in love with the feeling of chatting with their parents? Zhao Guodi, the special principal of Shanghai, offered two suggestions:
First, when the child refuses to say, the parent says it first.
In other words, if adults want to break the deadlock that children refuse to communicate with parents, they may wish to throw bricks and take the initiative to provoke the topic.
Of course, the discussion shouldn't always revolve around studying and exams. The theme of Tiannanhaibei is as small as what you saw and heard that day and what you experienced when reading books; From the celestial universe to the origin of human beings, we can all explore it with our children.
Second, the child began to speak, parents should not interrupt easily.
When children open the chatterbox, adults should learn to keep their mouths shut and not interrupt them from time to time.
At the same time, in order to let the child speak more, we can also use the following sentence structure in the communication process:
"Why do you think that's happening?"
"That's what I think, what do you think?"
"I think you said it well, is there anything to add?"
Adults' heuristic questions are conducive to giving the initiative of chat to children and guiding them to constantly think and share.
3. Make full use of diversified communication forms
On Zhihu, a netizen shared one thing that impressed his parents the most.
It was an important exam, and she accidentally failed it. Frustrated, she couldn't help crying just after she came out of the examination room.
At this time, the mother silently stepped forward and hugged her tightly. Despite not saying a word, that hug was so warm that it instantly healed her heart.
Many years later, this netizen still remembers this detail. Her mother's embrace became her strongest armor for laughing at the ups and downs of life since then.
Many times, there are many diverse expressions than words, often more powerful. Whether it is a warm smile, a gentle hug, or a sweet kiss, it will make the child feel the love and acceptance of adults.
A close connection is thus established, and efficient communication between parents and children is better than sound.
Renowned children's scientist Adele Farber once said, "Never underestimate the impact your words have on a child's life." ”
The language of parents is a double-edged sword for children, which can both draw unlimited energy and easily destroy them.
For this reason, being able to talk well with children is a must for parents throughout their lives.