Education must be lenient and strict, and punish children when necessary, so that children can abide by the rules, know and respect, and have a bottom line.
Author | Tomato Mom
The other day, saw a piece of news.
A 12-year-old boy was addicted to his mobile phone, and after repeated persuasion to no avail, his mother decided to confiscate it.
Unexpectedly, the boy lost his temper and beat his mother on the street, and kept insulting in his mouth.
The children whose parents worked hard to raise them waved their fists at themselves, which is really pitiful and pathetic!
Coincidentally, in February this year, an 11-year-old boy in Guangxi Province "swung a knife" at his father because his father did not let him play with his mobile phone.
Fortunately, after a few minutes of confrontation, the father finally took the kitchen knife from his son's hand.
According to the neighbor who recorded the video, "The father is usually more accustomed to the child and often indulges him, otherwise he would not be like this." ”
I remember that there are often netizens who complain, saying that today's children are becoming more and more rebellious and difficult to manage, they can't say or scold, and if they don't go his way, they will be furious.
But as Professor Li Meijin said:
Children's problems are often created by adults, and each psychological or behavioral problem of children must be related to the parent's education style.
The reason why a child is arrogant and lawless is not because he has a big temper or is not sensible.
The truth behind it is worth pondering for every parent.
The greatest danger of education
It is to give freedom to children when it is time to discipline
In recent years, news about "bear children" has been common.
Not long ago, on a high-speed train from Dalian to Beijing, a child had been making noise, and a female passenger in the same carriage stepped forward to dissuade him.
Unexpectedly, the child's mother did not discipline the child, but returned to the female passenger:
"He's only 3 years old, he doesn't understand reason, you have the ability to manage it, I can't control him anyway!"
"Don't give birth to children in your life, you will take them to death when you give birth!"
There is also the 11-year-old boy who took his sister on the elevator and "showed his strength" in the elevator without saying a word.
I saw that he supported the ground with both hands and kicked on the running elevator door, and in an instant the elevator door panel was squeezed and deformed and flew out.
The property approached the boy's parents and asked for compensation. The boy's mother's response was shocking:
"My son's legs burst before he could straighten his legs, is this elevator made of paper?"
"The property also told me to lose money, and I had to thank my son for the property! If he hadn't touched it, something might have happened during everyone's use! ”
I have seen many parents, they "respect" the nature of their children very much, give their children the greatest love and freedom, and feel that disciplining their children is a binding and binding on their children.
As a result, they often put these words on their lips:
The child is still young, does not understand things, and will understand when he grows up with nature;
He's still a child, what do you think about him?
In fact, between an "ignorant" bear child and a criminal who endangers society, there is often a pair of parents who have no bottom line to indulge their children and are reluctant to even say a heavy word.
In the TV series "Juvenile Court" based on real events, there is such a scene:
Two teenagers around the age of 11 threw bricks in the air and killed a child in kindergarten.
Because they were under the age of 14 and did not intentionally injure people, the judge had to acquit the two men.
After coming out of the courtroom, the two teenagers were unimpressed, and were still laughing and discussing about buying fried rice cakes for a while.
Their parents did not take this tragedy to heart in the slightest.
Later, the two teenagers became more and more rampant, from theft and violence to rape, fraud, and forced prostitution, and finally stepped into the abyss of sin...
The connivance of parental love is a major trap on the road to children's growth.
You can turn a blind eye to children's arrogance, but the adult world will not tolerate it;
You can laugh at your child's vexatiousness, but social norms won't tolerate it.
The greatest danger of education is to give children indulgence and freedom when they should be disciplined the most.
Children "hit when they should"
No matter how you don't punish, you can't raise excellent children
I saw a netizen talk about his experience of educating his son.
When his son was young, because everyone in the family was more pampered, his son was like a little bully, and he hit whoever was not favorable.
Each time he tried to restrain his emotions and took the form of oral education, but always with little success.
Until one time, the family of three went shopping, the mother was trying on clothes, but the son was impatiently arguing to buy drinks.
Seeing that the mother had not finished trying, the son came to the temper, raised his foot and kicked his mother fiercely, one kick, two feet...
Netizens couldn't bear it anymore, and stepped forward and gave their son a big slap in the face.
The son was stunned on the spot and cried all over his face, but after that, he was much more honest and never did anything like going out of line again.
Professor Li Meijin said in "The Round Table Party":
"In the process of human growth, something must be formed, in addition to love, there must be awe.
If the child breaks the law, the punishment is actually a kind of protection, let him know that he is afraid, knows regret, and will never dare again in the future, really let him not dare is to protect him. ”
Why many children are rebellious and difficult to manage now is because when the child made a mistake when he was a child, his parents were reluctant to hit and scold, and he never punished him well.
This has led to many children kicking their noses and faces more and more, and their tempers are getting bigger and bigger, and they can't control it when they grow up.
So, how to punish children in order to cultivate children's "awe"?
Gaozan on Zhihu replied with one word - "hit".
Remember the "bear kid" who threw 15 beer bottles down from the 28th floor?
After the parents learned of what their children had done, they quickly solemnly apologized to the neighbors in the owner group, and at the same time, posted photos of beating their children.
For the parents' behavior of beating their children, the vast majority of netizens gave rare support, feeling that the child should be beaten.
Yes, for a child who is not deeply involved in the world, has a half-understanding of the truth, and has a blank human nature, only by letting their body feel the pain of drilling their hearts can they deeply reflect on their mistakes.
Psychologist Professor He Lingfeng also said:
Children can actually hit, which is indeed a very effective way, and the younger the child, the better the effect, and the effect is faster.
To educate children, we must let them know awe, abide by the rules, and achieve real growth.
Hitting children is skillful
Keep in mind "five fights and five don't fight"
Although beating children is indeed a necessary educational tool.
But indiscriminate and rough scolding is likely to hurt the child's body and mind, and finally backfire.
Professor He Lingfeng once summarized some occasions and skills for hitting children from the perspective of psychology.
I summarized it here as "five to five do not fight" and share it with you.
Five do not fight
1. When parents are in a rage, do not fight
First of all, we must understand one thing: hitting is for the establishment of rules, not for the vent of parents' own bad emotions.
If parents hit their children when they are angry, it is easy to lose their proportions, hurt their children, and ignore the root cause of their mistakes.
2. If the child's mistake is also made when the parent is also committed, do not hit
I saw a news that a father beat his son up for playing with his mobile phone frequently.
The child's face was full of disbelief, crying and accusing his father that he often used his mobile phone to swipe short videos at home.
If parents fail to lead by example, but force their children to do it, they will only lose their own authority and fail to achieve educational results.
3. When in front of outsiders, do not hit
Fairy tale king Zheng Yuanjie said: "To destroy a child's killer skill is to make a child ugly in public." ”
Therefore, try not to teach your children in front of people, let alone hit children in public.
Hitting a child in public is undoubtedly tearing the child's dignity apart in public; The child has no way to fight back, but can only become more and more rebellious, or more and more timid and compromise.
4. If you don't get a good grade, don't hit it
If the child's usual grades are not good, the heart is generally fragile and inferior, and the parents' scolding will make them lose self-confidence and become more resistant to learning;
If it is a child with good grades usually, he is already very frustrated and blames himself, and parents must not make it worse.
When a child does not do well in the test, it is best to believe in him, encourage him, and accompany him to overcome difficulties.
5. Children after the age of 12, do not fight
After entering puberty, the child's sense of self begins to awaken.
They feel strongly that they are an independent and unique individual, with a strong desire to know themselves and express themselves.
During this period, parental scolding can make them feel that their self-esteem has been greatly damaged, resulting in strong resistance, and some boys will also develop a sense of revenge.
Five to fight
1. Touching the bottom line of the law, should be hit
When children have certain actions and habits that may develop into violations of the law when they grow up, such as stealing, destroying public property, intentionally harming others, and bullying classmates, parents should hit them.
If parents do not help their children guard the bottom line in time, sooner or later the child will deviate and break into a disaster that is difficult to make up.
2. Disrespect for elders, should be hit
I saw a 7 or 8-year-old boy downstairs before, and when my grandmother said two words to him, he lost his temper and picked up his schoolbag and threw it at his grandmother.
But Grandma didn't fight back, and let him vent helplessly.
Every disrespectful child is accustomed to it, and if you don't want your child to become a white-eyed wolf, you must set rules for your child as soon as possible.
3. Lack of quality, lack of morality, should be beaten
Many parents feel that their children's littering and loud noise in public are not a big deal, and there is no need to go online.
But forget that a child who has no cultivation and impoliteness will only be unable to move into society in the future.
When a child breaks the rules, give him appropriate punishment to help him remember better.
4. When you do something wrong but shirk responsibility, you should hit
Education expert Liu Juanhong pointed out that responsibility is a necessary quality for children, and wise parents will teach children responsibility and responsibility.
If a child often shirks responsibility, over time, he will become particularly egoistic, cold and selfish.
Therefore, parents should take measures to make their children realize their mistakes and bear the corresponding consequences.
5. When the same mistake is not corrected, it should be hit
It doesn't matter if you make a mistake once, but if you remind you to do it again after being reminded multiple times, it is a matter of attitude, and it is very likely to be made knowingly.
At this time, parents must take tough measures in time to help their children regulate their behavior.
Finally, after the punishment is over, don't forget to give the child a hug for the first time and tell him - I didn't hit you as a person, but you did it.
Although you did something wrong today and I hit you, I will always love you.
Writer Bi Shumin once said:
"I know it's wrong to hit someone, but the world gives parents a special pardon – hitting is love."
A good education must be lenient and strict, with clear rewards and punishments.
We must always remember that strict management and punishment are to make children sensible, understand the rules, and become a sound person.
When he was a child, he was given a "needle", and when he grew up, he could grow a pair of tough wings and soar freely.
Give it a thumbs up and encourage you parents.