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Domestic exam education is too rolled, want to send your children to study abroad? Are parents ready for this?

01. Think too simple about your children studying abroad? Beware of tragedies!

Many parents feel that the domestic examination-oriented education is too volatile, the competition their children face is too fierce, and the pressure on the family is too great. Some parents may want to pave an easier way for their children by "throwing money" at them to send their children to international schools or aristocratic schools to study abroad in the future.

Anyway, sending children to study abroad is not as difficult as in the past, and many middle-class families can achieve it.

But parents must not think that as long as they throw enough money, their children will have a worry-free future. In fact, if parents are not well prepared, children are likely to have problems in the process of studying abroad and even suffer from serious mental and psychological disorders.

Domestic exam education is too rolled, want to send your children to study abroad? Are parents ready for this?

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Moreover, when children study abroad, parents often cannot accompany them. Even if the child has severe mental and psychological symptoms, parents may not be able to detect and deal with it in time. Once the child has strong suicidal thoughts and puts them into practice, parents simply do not have time to stop them, and finally brew irreparable tragedies!

We have seen a teenager diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and after our systematic in-depth psychological intervention, she gradually moved towards recovery and learned a lot of scientific spiritual psychology. Later, she went abroad to study and found that a classmate next to her had suicidal thoughts and was likely suffering from major depression.

She often explained to her classmates, and asked her parents to remind the parents of her classmates that she wanted them to pay attention. But the parents of the classmates are very stubborn, although they are all high-level intellectuals and successful people, they are very ignorant, paranoid, and blind in family education, do not think that there is a problem with their education methods, and are unwilling to understand the knowledge of scientific spiritual psychology, and even do not think that their children have depression.

In the end, after a violent parent-child conflict, the patient's classmate jumped to his death abroad.

I feel very sorry for this real tragedy. This kind of tragedy of "the parents themselves are very good, but the child committed suicide" is not uncommon, and most of the responsibility for the tragedy lies in the ignorance and negligence of the parents.

If parents want to send their children to study abroad, they must learn the lessons and warnings of such incidents. Before sending their children to study abroad, parents should take corresponding precautions, especially to master efficient and scientific spiritual psychology knowledge, try to grasp the child's mental and psychological state in time, and know how to respond scientifically.

02. Before children go abroad, it is best to undergo a comprehensive psychological assessment

What exactly do parents do before sending their children to study abroad? Here are some specific recommendations.

First, parents should carefully assess their children's mental and psychological state.

If the child has been diagnosed with depression, bipolar disorder and other mental and psychological disorders, it is necessary to wait until the condition is stable and in the recovery period before going abroad.

If the child has not been diagnosed with a mental and psychological disorder, but the parents are not worried, they can take the child to an experienced psychiatrist and psychotherapist for a "psychological examination" to check whether there are potential mental and psychological problems.

Also, parents should do well to identify whether their child has a learning disability. And this is that the vast majority of psychiatrists and psychotherapists/counselors do not have the knowledge to identify and deal with this.

Many children are determined to study abroad, in fact, they feel that they can't learn in domestic schools, learning always can't keep up, as soon as they go to school, they are anxious, irritable, and even fearful, and they very much want to escape the domestic high school entrance examination and college entrance examination.

This often means that the child already has certain learning disabilities, such as easy distraction in class, very low learning efficiency, how to learn, and may not even be willing to go to school at all.

If the learning disability is not solved, it is likely that the problem will still exist abroad, and it will not necessarily disappear because of a loose environment.

Moreover, many children take it for granted that there is not much pressure to study abroad, but this is not the case. Take domestic and foreign universities to compare, many domestic universities are "strict in and wide out", admission requirements are high, but graduation requirements are often not high, most students can graduate successfully.

There are many universities abroad that are "wide in and strict out", it is not difficult to enroll, but if you want to graduate successfully and get a diploma, this often requires students to work hard.

Even in foreign junior high schools and high schools, as long as they are relatively good schools, students will inevitably bear certain learning pressure. If children choose to study abroad in order to escape the pressure of learning at home, they are likely to encounter the same setbacks abroad, continue to suffer a large number of superimposed psychological trauma in their studies, have more serious learning disabilities, and may have secondary depression, bipolar disorder and so on.

Domestic exam education is too rolled, want to send your children to study abroad? Are parents ready for this?

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Second, parents should judge whether their parent-child relationship with their children is close. If the parent-child relationship is more rigid, it is recommended not to send the child abroad first, but while the child is still around, parents should quickly strengthen self-reflection, change and promotion, and repair the parent-child relationship.

Otherwise, children are unwilling to communicate with their parents when they encounter things after going abroad, "good news but not bad news", and no one else can give positive and effective guidance, children are more likely to form superimposed psychological trauma, psychological pressure continues to accumulate, and gradually mental and psychological problems appear.

In fact, the reason why many children want to study abroad is precisely because they want to escape their parents. Parents have inadvertently caused superimposed psychological trauma to their children for a long time, and the children are already in pain in their hearts, and they can't wait to escape to the ends of the earth and never see their parents again.

However, after going abroad, these children may soon find that although they have been completely isolated from their parents in physical space, they still cannot get rid of the bad influence that their parents have caused to them, their mood is still bad, and they will have nightmares when sleeping.

Children are very resentful of their parents in their hearts, and if they have been influenced by some psychoanalytic theories, they will think that their parents just want to control themselves and that they have been living under the imprisonment of their parents. They may indulge themselves abroad, deliberately confront their parents, waste their studies, or even abuse drugs because they feel that this is a form of revenge for their parents and breaking their parents' confinement.

Therefore, in the case of a poor parent-child relationship, sending children to study abroad is actually a very dangerous thing. At least one parent must have a close parent-child relationship with the child and can provide timely assistance to the child before considering sending the child abroad.

03. Be wary of children imagining studying abroad too well

Third, parents should assess whether their children imagine studying abroad too well, and even be wary of whether the child has "smiling depression".

Why do you say that?

Some children have suffered a lot of superimposed psychological trauma in domestic schools and do not want to stay in domestic schools anymore. But they still have expectations for their future, they still want to succeed academically, and they even want to surpass most of their peers.

Therefore, "studying abroad" has become the last straw in their hearts. They take it for granted that as soon as they go abroad and the environment around them changes, the difficulties and setbacks they are currently experiencing will no longer exist. Thinking of this, their hearts were full of hope and temporarily covered up their negative emotions.

Therefore, in order for parents to agree to study abroad, children will strive to win the trust of their parents, behave positively, rationally and maturely, have plans for the future, and promise how to work hard after going abroad.

At this point, the child may have "smile depression". If parents really send their children to study abroad, when they go to study abroad, they find that the life of studying abroad is not as good as imagined, and they encounter many setbacks and difficulties, and their mental psychology is easy to collapse, which is very dangerous.

In 2021, the son of Guangzhou parenting blogger "Yide his father" committed suicide abroad. "One to his father" is a famous parenting god in Guangzhou's mother's circle. His educational philosophy has been featured in countless newspapers, television, and interviews, and he has also given parent-child education lectures, which are sought after by many parents.

Zhang Yide is also very competitive, with excellent grades, positive sunshine, able to endure hardships and hard work, and was admitted to a prestigious American school with an almost full TOEFL score. But he eventually committed suicide, which is very shocking and regrettable, and Zhang Yi is likely to have "smiling depression"

Moreover, if the child imagines studying abroad too well, there may be a "Paris syndrome" in the future.

Domestic exam education is too rolled, want to send your children to study abroad? Are parents ready for this?

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Some parents are more "flattering" and often talk in front of their children about how developed Western countries are good. Children are subtly influenced by their parents, and they may themselves have been exposed to a lot of information that beautifies Western developed countries, and they are also very eager to study abroad.

But when they really go abroad, they may soon find that it is not as beautiful as imagined: all kinds of inconvenience in life, language and culture are not smooth, and there may even be discrimination and exclusion from others... These setbacks led to a huge psychological gap similar to "Paris syndrome." Many people "love the country as soon as they go abroad" and miss the life of the motherland incomparably, this is the truth.

Fourth, parents should also assess whether the child's three views are positive, which can include the following aspects:

Does the child have a desire for vanity, a love of social status or material things?

When children study abroad, they often encounter many classmates with superior families, and this bad psychology is easily strengthened, and children will even become invisible and publicly make some outrageous remarks, resulting in "social death".

For example, in March this year, a girl with an IP address in Australia used the screen name "Arctic Catfish" to show off her wealth and insult Chinese people on the Internet, and said that her grandfather was the director of the transportation bureau, but was scolded by netizens to the point of blood.

Does the child put the blame on society and others when something happens? If so, parents must deeply reflect on whether they also have this problem. Many parents complain and spit on others at home, and when they see negative news events, they say that it is a social problem.

Under the influence of their parents, children are also prone to this problem, constantly attributing external attribution when encountering difficulties and setbacks, and never thinking about their own problems. This often leads to children having personality abnormalities, blaming others when they encounter things, frequently clashing with others, suffering superimposed psychological trauma, and forming a vicious circle.

If this continues, the child will become more and more distressed, angry, and may develop depression, bipolar disorder, with paranoid personality changes, and even personality disorders.

In fact, in addition to the above 4 points, children studying abroad face different societies and cultures, and there are many risks, such as:

With the "LGBTQ+ movement" in Western countries in full swing, will children be affected and non-mainstream sexual orientations appear?

Shootings in the United States are endless, if children go to study in the United States, how big is the security risk?

If the child lives with a host family, how can he avoid conflicts and conflicts with the host family?

In countries where cannabis is legalized, how can children be prevented from becoming addicts and addicts?

If the child suffers from mental disorders abroad, should he receive treatment abroad or take the child back to China?

......

Due to space constraints, we cannot analyze all of these topics, and we will set up a "Study Abroad" column to provide more in-depth analysis and more specific advice.

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