Some time ago, a mother's speech at the parent-teacher conference went viral on the Internet.
For the sake of her child who is about to enter the third year of junior high school, she has almost 0 social and 0 entertainment:
"I hardly play mobile games in front of my children, and I don't play mahjong."
One main companion:
"As soon as the child comes back, I will sit next to him, and I can't stand up until my waist is straight."
The high school entrance examination is an important hurdle, and if the grades are not satisfactory, you may not be able to go to high school and university like other children, but directly enter social work.
My mother knows that her education is not high, and the probability that she can do first in society is also manual work:
"Therefore, we parents can only suffer a little more and accompany them more."
When it came to the middle, the mother was also moved to choke up for a while:
"I think he should know about my insistence."
Behind the child's Jackie Chan, in addition to the efforts of the child itself, the sacrifice of parents is indispensable.
But in the comment area below the video, the mother's selfless education method was opposed by most people:
If the child resists, the mother should collapse and lose control;
I am the parent of a high school examinee, and in fact this companionship is suffocating for the child;
If I change my mother like this, my guilt will stay with me for life...
I don't know when it started,
Let children win at the starting line and become the slogan that traps thousands of parents in the world,
When education gradually evolves into the so-called drama of perfect giving, the child is doomed to become a sinner.
From the day the child is born, parents basically abandon their own life circle and become the standard three-nil:
No friends, no space, no energy.
Day and night, coaxing children to feed children, learning how to raise a small baby.
After learning to get started, the child grows to the next stage and starts a new cycle.
When he grew up, he saved the education fund, signed up for various tutoring classes, smashed pots and sold iron for the school district, and also helped him plan how to test for school and how to choose...
This kind of thinking of sacrificing oneself and prioritizing children extends to the fact that it is difficult for children to change when they grow up:
"You eat meat, I don't like meat, just eat a little food"
"I don't buy any clothes, I'm happy to buy you mom, as long as you wear it well"
But this kind of scene only exists when the two sides are quiet, and once there is a conflict, these words become the parents' "gold medal of impunity":
"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have XXXX at all"
"Who am I working so hard for, it's not because of you, if it weren't for you, our family would at least spend so much more money every year?"
With paying, it becomes a means of kidnapping.
When you know how great you are, let the child feel self-blame from the bottom of his heart, so as to listen to his own words.
The frightening thing is that this method is a poison dressed in candy paper, so that the child is mentally suppressed step by step.
The philosopher Russell said in The Road to Happiness:
"Parents should not do as much for their children as possible, all self-sacrificing parents are often extremely selfish to their children, will control their children emotionally, and excessive concern is often a disguise of possessiveness."
The short video blogger Papi-chan has been self-touching since childhood, and once he makes a mistake or raises an objection with his parents, he will be nagged by his parents:
Later, when her parents had problems, she often felt guilty:
"I would feel like I caused all the bad parts of my parents' lives."
This kind of education, even if the child is obedient when he is young, will explode intensively one day when he grows up.
Educating children is never about draining themselves and knowing how to be opportunistic.
Many parents feel that the parents of whoever do not care about their children, and their children are particularly obedient. His own children can't control watching him all day long.
That's because some parents seize the opportunity to educate.
In the movie "Perfect Stranger", 17-year-old Sophia began to dress up before going out,
The child's abnormality aroused the mother's suspicion, and she stepped forward to turn her daughter's bag over.
As a result, an unopened box of condoms was found in Sophia's bag.
Without figuring it out, the mother broke out instantly, questioning and scolding her daughter.
As a result, the authoritarian mother made her daughter's dislike of her deepened again.
When Dad found out, he took the initiative to hand over a box of condoms when he faced his daughter who liked boys on a date.
In the evening, the father receives a call from Sophia, and the daughter is hesitating whether to go to the boy's house for the night.
Dad did not directly stop her, but said the following paragraph meaningfully to her:
"Don't go to his house because he's upset, that shouldn't be the only reason, and don't expect me to support you more." But I would say that this is an important moment in your life, something that you will remember for the rest of your life, not just a conversation you will have with your friends tomorrow. If you remember later, whenever you think back, this event will make you smile, you just do it. But if you don't think so or aren't quite sure, forget about it, because you still have a lot of time. "
In the end, the daughter chose to return to her home that night.
Although the father is also very conflicted and nervous, he does not question out of control like the mother, but respects each other while leaving space for the child.
The original difficult problem was solved in the simplest way and wittily.
Take the mother at the beginning of the article,
When a child's grades are not so good, he himself will be accompanied by anxiety.
Mothers can't give guidance and support in learning, and just sitting on the sidelines will only make the child more stressed.
For children, this is not companionship, nor supervision, but surveillance.
Smart parents know how to have an equal conversation with their children, not to move themselves with brute force.
Not letting go sounds like a fearless sacrifice, but it's actually worrying too much about what won't happen in the future.
What if the child goes astray?
What if your child doesn't get into a good school?
What if you get into trouble at school?
A mother who only revolves around the child is likely to raise a cautious and sensitive child.
In the process, both mother and child will consume each other doubly.
In the family observation variety show "Youth Says", the mother of Kang Yunyi, a first-year high school girl, is a typical example of guarding her inseparable.
The child's routine is her daily routine:
Get up together at half past five, and go downstairs at half past six to send Kang Yunyi to school;
Children and friends are not allowed to go out alone for fear of insecurity;
Through this show, she wants her mother to realize that she has grown up and can do the things in front of her independently.
Mom still doesn't want to let go.
Kang Yunyi is very persistent, because she has already discovered that her mother's life has changed.
The circle of friends is shrinking, there are no interest activities, and the personality is becoming more and more sensitive.
Finally, she plucked up the courage to shout the long-buried truth to her mother:
"From today on, I want to be independent, you want to be free, and I want you to be truly happy."
Does this so-called "for your good" self-motivated sacrificial education really make sense?
It's just that both sides suffer.
There is a book that says:
"For parents, filial piety in the true sense of being a child is to reassure parents. For children, the true meaning of parenthood is for the good of children, in fact, it is to take care of themselves and live a long life. ”
For children, how much material wealth and network resources can be provided by the existence of parents is secondary.
But every time he thinks of his parents, his heart is full of energy.
The premise of energy conversion is that parents first become energetic people:
Before loving children, learn to love yourself.
Before planning your child's life, plan your own life well.
All love in this world is because of companionship,
Only the love of parents for their children needs to learn to let go.