The once sensational "grandfather and grandson love" hero Li Kuncheng, just the day before yesterday, was exposed by the media to have died of cancer. The news quickly went on the hot search, and more than 400 million people read it.
However, this time the comment area is very abnormal, the most liked one is "bad old man is very bad", the second most is "the best years of 10 years of youth were delayed by the old man".
Why didn't netizens sympathize with the deceased this time?
But anyone who has understood this grandfather and grandson love should be able to understand that the ins and outs of the whole thing are indeed quite shattering three views!
Li Kuncheng may not be familiar to everyone, he once served as a producer of Wu Zongxian, and his representative works include "Heart and Liver Baby", which is a well-known musician in Taiwan. When he and his wife Lin Jingen met, Lin Jingen was only 16 years old and a minor high school student.
Father Lin and Li Kuncheng have been friends for many years, and Father Lin invited Li Kuncheng to come to the house, originally to let him teach his daughter to play the piano and enlighten his daughter in the rebellious period, but he did not expect that his old friend had no sense of proportion, and his concern for Lin Jingen exceeded the scope of what an elder should have, and he actually had a relationship with her.
Whoever put this matter on his parents, he will be so angry that a mouthful of old blood will spurt out.
And the reason why this incident shattered the three views was precisely because after Lin Jingen dropped out of high school, Li did not let her go to school again, and the intellectual vision of a young girl in the flower season was fixed at the age of 16, making everyone feel worthless for Lin Jingen.
Maybe Lin Jingen will think that he has found true love, but when we continue to delve into Lin Jingen's growth experience, we will find that behind this is actually a typical case of a rebellious girl and a family relationship gradually drifting apart.
Lin Jingen's parents are both traditional knowledge molecules, but her parents divorced when she was three years old, and Lin Jingen lived with her father, who said that his father would spread the pressure of work on her, often drunk, and fell asleep on the sofa.
Later, Father Lin scolded his daughter on the Internet twice in three days that the relationship between father and daughter was quite general. Although Lin's father kindly persuaded him, in his daughter's view, his father was just "an old antique who can't keep up with the times" and "a father who only thinks of his own position".
The stronger the father's exhortation, the more rebellious the daughter becomes.
Lack of love, lack of communication partners, lack of attention... This can explain why Father Lin wants to find an outsider to enlighten his daughter, and it is more understandable why this 16-year-old girl, who cannot communicate normally with her biological father, will be easily captured by a bad old man.
Perhaps, Lin Jingen wants an intimate relationship that can make her feel warm.
You can't understand what rebellious kids are thinking, and they'll prove to their parents in extreme, self-destructive ways that everything you do to us is wrong.
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I saw a documentary called "Mirror" a long time ago, which rarely documents several families tormented by rebellious teenagers, in which most children choose not to go to school, except for the child's roar is the cry of the parents. In order to allow their children to at least return to school to attend classes and take exams, these parents forcibly signed up their children for a short-term training camp, and special institutions and psychological teachers helped "domesticate" these lost children.
At that time, after watching this film, I was very moved, most of our children are in elementary school, and the rebellious period is getting closer and closer, it is time to share. Especially if you are still yelling at children and all kinds of nagging right now, you may really think about it...
01
Children in the rebellious period suddenly become beasts
In the documentary, I was most impressed by the two big boys.
One is Jiaming, who has a serious Internet addiction, is addicted to Internet cafes, does not go to school, and always wants to be a backpacker;
The other is Zhang Zhao, who is in his third year of high school, and since falling in love, he has changed like a person, living at home with his girlfriend, the door is locked, he does not go to school, and he does not let his parents in.
Although the two boys have different life experiences, they both have very extreme behaviors.
Jiaming used self-harm after knowing that his parents wanted to send him to a special school. As soon as I heard the sound of the teacher entering the house, I jumped out of the bed directly, and I didn't have time to put on my pants, and I was stunned at the teacher: "Do you know how you got this scar?" ”
Then he pointed to the scar on his arm and threatened them: "When I go to the hospital, you will be fine!" ”
Hearing Jiaming's heart-rending shout, his parents couldn't help wiping their tears outside the corridor.
In the end, Jiaming was still sent to the training camp, and at night he sat on the sofa, covering his heart and almost hysterically, "I want to see them!" Let Mom and Dad come and see me! ”
Another boy, Zhang Zhao, reacted even more violently, seeing the teacher of the training camp coming, and immediately rushed to the balcony, "I'm dying here!" ”
Fortunately, the three big men were quick in their eyes, pulled him back in three steps and two steps, and "locked" him with his body, which avoided a tragedy.
Scuffling the whole time ↓ I have to say that such a big rebellious boy, parents really don't expect to be able to physically punish them anymore, in terms of physical strength, they are no longer their opponents at all.
Until he confirmed that he could not resist and was still going to be sent away, Zhang Zhao pointed to his parents and said word by word: "You remember today's events, I don't know you two anymore, do you hear?" If you do this, I will die for you to see."
What parent in the world will not be heartbroken when they hear their children say such things.
02
Can the two-pronged approach of suppression and channeling really "cure" them?
Life in the training camp is militarized, you have to wash and wake up at dawn, there are regulations on meal times, and all the basic material conditions are not comparable to those at home.
In addition, there are more than 20 camp rules, including "no mobile phones" and "no love", and the first thing you do when you arrive at the camp is to recite these rules first, and if you don't follow them, you will be punished.
Let a group of originally rebellious children suddenly set a frame, obviously can't stand it, and Jiaming also fought with the instructor because of this.
But the system of the training camp is tough, and if the quilt is not folded well, you must go to the yard to hold the quilt to the punishment station,
If you can't stand in a military posture, you have to squat in a harder position.
However, in addition to the strict and indifferent rules of life, there will also be warm moments, that is, there will be special psychological counselors and counselors to do psychological counseling for these "problem teenagers".
The psychological counselor will dig out the child's underlying desires and fears through some psychological tests. One of the counselors said that most children want to be heard by others. ”
Children and teachers will gather around to read letters from their parents, and when they hear their parents praise their strengths, they become shy and coaxing teenagers again.
It was also such a moment that Jiaming was awakened somewhat.
He said that when he was a child, his parents were always busy doing business to support the family and often couldn't take care of him, but when he heard his mother's voice in his mother's letter, he burst into tears.
The irritability, struggle, and confrontation of the troubled teenagers were relieved in the calm communication with their parents.
03
After peeling back the cocoon, the child finally confided, but the problem was not simple
In the enlightenment again and again, Jiaming finally cried, but he did not admit his problems, and more accused his parents -
In order not to distract him from his studies, not to let him raise his beloved puppy; Beloved toys, also directly thrown away. "I have to listen to my parents for such small things as what kind of clothes to buy and the scope of riding a bicycle, do you think I can not be cranky?"
He hates that his parents often fool him, like teasing children, and talking is not a word. "Before I took the exam, they all said, 'Take the test well, do whatever you want to do after the exam.' But every time after the exam, they said, 'I'll take you out with me when we have time.'"
Every time his parents broke their words, Jiaming remembered it in his heart, which became a shadow that would never go away in his heart, and finally turned into hatred.
On the other hand, Jiaming's father did not realize that his son was so resentful of him, and he even thought that everything he did was responsible for his child's life. His mantra was: "I want to teach him my own life's creed, never give up, never say die." To live better than my generation. ”
"I used to suffer hardships, I couldn't even eat eggs and milk when I went to school, and I became a company manager with hard work, so I also want my son to be as productive as me."
When the teacher of the training camp asked Jiaming's father: "How is it good for children?" ”
Jiaming's father replied: "Realize your ideals without regrets." ”
The teacher asked, "What kind of ideal?" ”
Thinking that his son's ideal is to be a backpacker, he paused and said: "His ideal hopes to be corrected, hopes to correct." ”
But he didn't know that a child's ideal is worthy of being called an ideal only if it agrees with the ideal of his parents.
04
The "cured" rebellion lasted only two days
After the three-month training camp, the troubled teenagers continued to return to their families.
Just after returning home from the training camp, Jiaming seems to be willing to communicate with his parents. Dad also respected Jiaming's voice, sneaked out of the company early to accompany him, and offered to give him money to work as a backpacker.
But the situation did not last long. After two days of school, Jiaming changed back to his old appearance, skipped class to go to an Internet café, and did not change at all.
Dad was heartbroken when he saw his son like this: "I feel that my life is completely devoid of fun." ”
The mother's feeling was even more pessimistic, "If this continues, this family will be dispersed." ”
Zhang Zhao's family is also not happy, although the child has returned, he does not trust his parents more than before.
For example, Zhang Zhao wants to test the "love" of his parents by asking for money, and the lion opens his mouth to ask for 10,000 pocket money. Although Dad finally generously gave 8,000, in Zhang Zhao's eyes: "Acted, it won't last long", "They still don't trust me, otherwise why would they deduct 2,000." ”
It can only be said that such a relationship is really desperate. The way father and son talk has not changed, and the tone is very similar to that of a stranger.
Once the rift is created, it may take ten times more effort to make up, but if you miss the time, want to make up, the child may not give the opportunity, after all, these children form such a state, which is the result of accumulating 3, 6, or even 10 years.
Finally, I would like to say:
Although this film may seem like a documented problem teenager at first glance, after watching it and sighing for the last breath, you will suddenly understand why the film is called "Mirror". Because in the final analysis, children's problems are family problems, and what this film wants to reflect is not how terrible the problem teenager is, but that all parents need to take a look, in these desperate parents, have you seen a trace of your own shadow?!