The biggest enemy of education is "don't force a child if he doesn't like it"

Expecting children to be self-disciplined is the most useless education.

Those "rulers" held high can hold up the child's future.

Author | Watermelon mother

Does the growth of children depend on children's consciousness, or on the discipline and supervision of parents?

There is a parenting story of a Chinese mother that answers this question from the side.

Her name is Yu Jinwei and she has two children.

The eldest daughter Xiao Yuqi is a natural student, quiet and obedient since childhood, won the Governor General's Award of Canada at the age of 16, was admitted to Harvard University in advance with excellent grades, and later succeeded in entrepreneurship and became the youngest Asian-American female CEO in the United States;

But the second son Xiao Yuyang is not so worry-free, and he has not used "smartness" on the right path since he was a child:

Let him practice the piano, he can always wear down his mother's patience with "no practice, less practice, and random practice";

In learning, whenever there is an opportunity to be lazy, I will never let it go;

Eccentric personality, crying and troublemaking, always able to think of ideas to give his mother problems;

......

However, in the end, he also successfully entered Harvard and achieved a top career.

Many people ask, two children with different personalities and different talents, why can they be taught equally well and outstanding?

This mother's response was unexpected:

Education children sometimes can not be too open, children are not interested in reading, learning is just an excuse, parents let go, but harm children.

Naturally self-conscious students, after all, are only a very few, and for most children like Yu Chen's youngest son, self-discipline is a scarce commodity.

But because of his mother's ear to face, when he didn't want to study, in order to urge him, he used the dining table as a desk, cooking while staring at him to do his homework;

When he doesn't want to practice, he constantly "coerces and lures": if he doesn't practice, he can't go out to play; Less practice, less cartoon time; Practice well and increase entertainment.

That's why he is what he is today.

Expecting children to be conscious is the most powerless education; Expecting children to fall in love with learning is the hardest wish to fulfill.

On the road of education, the most lazy people are parents, and the last thing that should not be free-range is children.

Education's worst mortal enemy

It's "don't force the child if he doesn't like it"

I have seen such a story.

One day, a child said to his father: "Dad, dancing is so tired, I don't want to learn, I want to learn to sing." ”

My father turned around and agreed: "Okay, then learn what you like." ”

A month later, the child said: "It's too hard to sing, my voice is dumb, I still can't sing well, I want to go out and play." "The father allowed it again, thinking that the child was still young, and if he didn't like it, don't force him.

Ten years later, when he needed to perform his talents on stage, he couldn't get a decent show, so he resented his parents for not cultivating a hobby for himself from an early age.

My father was very aggrieved: "You didn't want to go at the beginning, how can you blame us for not cultivating you?" ”

And the child's answer was also very heartfelt: "I am young and do not understand things, do you not understand things?" Can't you force me? ”

There is a saying that makes a lot of sense:

Like is human instinct, like the new and dislike the old too, but instinct is not a skill.

If parents blindly indulge their children's "likes" and follow their instincts, it is undoubtedly a landmine planted in the child's growth, and the final result will definitely end in regret.

The success and excellent formation of Xueba, not because of liking, but persistence, but also because they have a pair of ruthless parents behind them.

The reality is so cruel that without giving, there will be no fruit.

Because of the ruthless mother, there is a generation of singer Jay Chou;

Because of his ruthless father, he became the current pianist Langlang;

It is also because of the ruthlessness and stern of his parents that he can see the elegant and knowledgeable "national goddess" Dong Qing.

Education itself is an anti-human thing.

Don't wait until your child misses an opportunity and asks you "why didn't I push me in the first place" to start regretting the freedom and permissiveness.

Parents should not indulge their children's instincts, but think about how to transform their children's instincts of "liking" into "living" skills so that they can live happily and smoothly throughout their lives.

There is not a single excellent child

Grew up in the free-range of parents

Many parents now strongly advocate "free-range education" and hope to show their openness and tolerance in the family.

However, the openness of the unknown will only encourage the child's avoidance psychology, avoiding school when he is a child, and avoiding life when he grows up.

There is a topic on Zhihu: What has become of children who grow up under free-range families?

There is a story that is very embarrassing:

When I was young, I felt that my childhood was very happy, and my parents never cared about me.

I don't want to write homework can not write; I don't want to read a book and I don't want to; After the countdown to the parent-teacher meeting, my parents will not trouble me when they come back; Even if I got home at eleven o'clock at night, no one would take care of me.

Then, one day I didn't want to go to school, and my parents were very respectful, so I just said that if I didn't want to go to school, I wouldn't go to school, and nothing else.

However, when she entered the society, she suddenly found that without education and skills to protect the body, it was really difficult to move an inch, and she could only be at the bottom and do the most menial work.

Now every day is muddled and the rest of my life is wasted.

Every excellent child does not fall from the sky, and there must be a pair of "tiger parents and wolf mothers" behind them who are constantly spurring on.

Just like facing such a child, the father of Peking University Dr. Yige is obviously different.

In junior high school, Yige was fascinated by online games, and his grades fell to a trough, even to the point of boredom.

But the father did not give up and did not let go, and started a series of "hardcore operations":

First of all, the whole family is cut off from the network and electricity, then supervise and accompany the whole process, and finally start practicing with yourself to set a good example for the children.

Imagine, if his father had let him go, what kind of situation would he have been, and what kind of life would he face?

There is a good saying:

All gifts from fate are secretly marked with a price.

On the road of education, strictness is love, looseness is harm.

No matter how "free-range" you don't ask, it is impossible to teach excellent children; Slack "laissez-faire" is also impossible to raise outstanding offspring.

Every bit of happiness and freedom you give your children now is poison in growing up, and the final result must also be a lifetime of humility and mediocrity.

Educating children and not giving in easily is for the better growth of children, and not letting go at will is the most basic cultivation as a parent.

Education cannot be repeated

Ask parents to be hands-on with their children

The People's Daily once published a timetable to see countless parents crying:

The companionship you give to your children has a "deadline", and if you miss the validity period, education cannot be repeated.

However, every time it comes to educating children, there are always parents who retort: "I want to make money to support the family, how can I have time to take care of my children?" ”

However, if the child is not well educated, what is the use of you earning gold and silver?

As Dong Qing said:

"When you educate your children, you choose to make money and not discipline your children. When the child grows up, the money you have worked hard to earn all your life cannot be worth his defeat in a year. ”

Educating children is a lifelong career, and when children are well educated, they are making money, and this is a lifelong investment.

The wiser parents are, the more they know how to be hands-on in their children's education and help them take every step down-to-earth.

Marie Curie is busy with scientific research and great pressure, but for the sake of her daughter, she can still set up a special "children's learning class" to educate herself;

His son can't accept the school's education model and doesn't want to go to school, so Zheng Yuanjie can also create an "exclusive private school" for his son, compile his own teaching materials, and design courses.

It is precisely because of her parents' non-abandonment and abandonment that one of Marie Curie's two daughters won the "Nobel Prize in Chemistry" and the other became a well-known writer, while Zheng Yuanjie's son also continued his studies and became an animation director and entrepreneur.

Life is like an exam, parents are the teachers of the child who will never retire, without the help and guidance of the teacher, there can be no child who can pass on their own.

No matter what era, no matter the difference between rich and poor, no matter what the policy, raising children is always a family's top priority.

Some things cannot be replaced by others, and some words must be said by parents.

In terms of children's education, we only have one chance, and the validity period is only ten years, and stealing lazy now is a regret that cannot be made up in the future.

Education must not be "afraid of trouble", you are afraid once, the child's growth will be reduced once.

Don't wait for the children to grow up, let this society educate us fiercely, then it will be too late.

The Tsinghua Xueba Jiaozi Jing writes:

Parents should understand that children lack self-control when they are young, and it is normal not to take the initiative for hard things such as learning, and the initiative is the norm.　

Because "tired of learning" is more in line with children's nature than "love of learning".

But, as parents, should we "conform" to our children's nature?

Apparently not!

Children are still young, they don't understand so much truth, they only have immediate happiness, no long-term vision.

You can only persevere for a while, you can't continue to focus, and you don't have strong perseverance and self-control to restrain yourself.

But all this parents have to have.

If at this time, even we give the child a backlash, what motivation does the child have to persevere?

The child's excellence does not depend on talent, but on the fact that when he is indulgent, someone can silently pull him.

And if we keep the child in a fairy tale world, growing up without any coercion, how will he resist the storm in the future?

There is a good saying, parental discipline is the foundation, children's conscious self-discipline is the goal, the foundation is firmly laid, and the mountain is shaken without fear.

Sometimes, we need proper coercion, but also strict discipline, which is not oppression, but a "booster" shot when his will is weak to help him overcome difficulties and make him stronger.

On the road of education, expecting children to be self-conscious and self-disciplined is the most ridiculous "lie", and free-range children is the laziest behavior.

Always remember:

Bear children are "habitual" to come out, good children are "managed" to come out, and excellent children are "accompanied" to come out!

With this article, I would like to encourage all parents.