Some time ago, Dong Yuhui held a parent-teacher meeting in the live broadcast room, which triggered 90,000 onlookers.
In 50 minutes, he told short stories about his career as a teacher and shared his educational philosophy.
(Image from the Internet, invasion and deletion)
Among them, the most impressive is the final summary:
Every job will have prior training, but parents do not have it, children come when they come, so it is difficult for parents to do a good job.
A simple sentence, but it hurts the hearts of many parents.
It is an instinct for parents to love their children, but how to love their children correctly is a kind of wisdom.
As the closest person to a child, every word and action of a parent has a profound impact.
Some behaviors that we are not aware of ourselves often cause them long-term psychological damage.
The following four wrong behaviors are relatively hidden, but the negative effects of them should not be underestimated.
They often put this phrase on their lips: "I do this for your own good." ”
Once the child's behavior does not meet expectations, they will feel aggrieved and even a little thing will set their emotions on fire.
But as psychologist Fromm said, such parents actually carry out emotional violence against their children in the name of love, which is a kind of benign "sadism".
This kind of self-sacrifice can easily make children feel guilty. Children will feel that if I don't do well, I'm sorry for my parents.
As a result, some children can only hide their true thoughts, suppress their needs to cater to their parents, and even become inferior and depressed.
Gibran once said:
Your children are not your children. What you can give them is your love, not your thoughts, because they have their own minds.
True education should not be achieved through this way of "kidnapping" personality.
A good parent-child relationship should make both parties feel comfortable and warm, rather than making the other party feel that they need to be supported by "sacrifice".
Zhong Yikuan, the founder of digital psychology, once said:
The essential need of life is the desire to be seen.
The emotional connection between children and parents is also generated in the need and response.
I once received a message from a reader.
She said that although she is an adult and has children, she has always sought the love and approval of her parents.
The day she first learned to write with a fountain pen as a child, she was very excited, but because she was not skilled enough in using fountain pens, she accidentally got ink on her clothes.
When she returned home, she showed her mother her learning achievements with great interest, but she was scolded with a split face.
There was also a time when she found herself being followed by strangers on the road, full of fear, but afraid to tell her mother.
She thinks that even if she says it, it will not attract her mother's attention, and she is likely to be scolded again.
She began to become unsure of how to express her deep feelings to others and how to love others.
There are many children with the same experience in life, and when they confide their inner feelings to their parents, they are always ignored or denied by their parents.
Slowly, the inner disappointment accumulated, and later, they completely closed the door to their parents.
American psychologist Joannis once said:
If the child is not convinced that he is important to his parents, he will grow up to be a person who ignores his emotions.
If we really love our children, we should lean down and see their hearts and feel their joy and pain.
Children who are nourished by love will have a fuller heart and know how to love themselves better.