My niece, who has just worked for two years after graduating from college, will encounter a little setback in her work and relationship from time to time.
She asked me, I am already 30+, what advice do I have for her in her 20s?
I thought about it, felt that my experience was really lacking, thought about it again and again, and found that there were really a few things that I didn't understand in my 20s, but now I am very determined.
1. When you are young, be sure to make your career > love
The breath of youth, the ambiguous sweetness between handsome men and beautiful women, is the most irresistible temptation for many girls who have just opened their emotions.
As if without vigorous love and pain, it is not enough to talk about youth.
However, more than love, the twenties are the golden period for a person to find their career goals, and it is the best time for a person to start accumulating experience and contacts in an industry.
When a person spends all her energy on falling in love, it is also the beginning of her gap with her peers.
When I was in college, there were two girls in the dormitory opposite us, Little A and Little B.
Both of them are very beautiful, but Little A likes to immerse himself in the bittersweet and bitter of love, and Little B only wants to work and make money.
After graduation, Little A got married as he wished and lived the life of a husband and a godson, while Little B relied on the resources accumulated in college to open his own skin care store.
Now, ten years later, Little A has become an ordinary housewife, worried about her children and trivial family affairs every day;
Xiao B's skincare products stores have expanded to five, and he has already achieved financial freedom, and he has also met his other half at work and entered the marriage hall.
Although it is difficult to say who has a good life and who has not, when the real problem is in front of you, you know how important it is for women to have their own careers and their own economic value.
We always say that youth has no regrets, this kind of no regrets, more is not regrets about choosing life goals, and rarely because of choosing love without regrets.
After all, the former is about self-worth, and the latter is ethereal.
Don't choose comfort when you should be fighting, don't let it go when you should seize the opportunity, youth can only burst into dazzling brilliance by struggle.
2. Make good money and eliminate worries
Although money is not omnipotent, it is undeniable that with money, 90% of life's troubles can be solved.
Li Xueqin once said in a program: "Only making money is the source of security and happiness." I'm not afraid that I'm suddenly gone, but I'm afraid that when my family and friends are sick and need help, I won't have the money to help them. ”
In a person's life, love accounts for a small proportion, but family and friends spend a long time with us.
In daily relationships, in addition to giving love and companionship, we must also have a certain financial strength to add a layer of insurance to the relationship, so that when they encounter impermanence, we can do our best to contribute a share of money to rescue them.
A young girl in her 20s may disdain this realistic statement.
But when the harsh reality is in front of us, I have to admit that sometimes money is more reliable than people.
Maybe you can't guarantee that someone will always love you, but you can guarantee that every penny you earn won't betray you.
This is the biggest source of security for girls who are in their youth.
3. What others say is not important, it is important to listen to your own
It's a heart-wrenching fact that many women are happier and more confident in their 20s than they are in their 30s.
Actor Xiao Song Jia once said: "When I was in my 20s, I was very unhappy, very nervous, very restrained, very confused, very worried that others would not like me, afraid of this and that, and now I am very comfortable, and I believe that I am good." So don't pay too much attention to other people's opinions and expectations, girls really only shine when they are happy. ”
From the age of 20 to 30, this decade is a process of exploring the answer to "who am I" little by little, and it is also a process of building our own set of value systems through continuous trial and error.
In the process, we will hear a lot of different voices and be pressured from different sides.
Only by insisting on being yourself and being a person who will listen to oneself can our value system survive in a noisy world.
So, it's important to be yourself and live as you like.
4. Identities can be superimposed and the ego cannot be lost
After adulthood, a person's identity will slowly increase.
In the process of work, you are the subordinate of the leader and the partner of the colleagues;
Back home, you are a wife, daughter, mother, sister-in-law, aunt...
The continuous superposition of identities comes with heavier and heavier responsibilities.
When a woman has to switch back and forth between different identities, like a spinning top, she becomes farther and farther away from herself over time.
Therefore, it is easy for us to meet women who survive under the labels of Mrs. XX and Mother XX, but they rarely know what they are really like.
Life is only a few decades, there is no need to live as a machine wrapped in various responsibilities, but to always withdraw from your identity and be yourself.
Perhaps, it's to give yourself a vacation to go out and play,
Perhaps, it was a brief meeting with friends,
Or perhaps, just a brief self-defense after the child falls asleep.
The methods vary, but the central task is to not lose yourself.
Because a woman without self is pathetic, a woman who lives for others is deplorable.
From young girls to mature women, every girl will experience the "whipping" on the road to growth,
Life values will be reshaped several times.
The difference is that
We go all the way forward and break through ourselves,
Looking back at the road at the next intersection in life, you will definitely be glad for yourself:
After running away for half his life, he returned as a teenager.
I am a fish, an ordinary woman who stumbled and stumbled, once inferior as an ugly duckling, once deceived herself like Kong Yiji, and finally could not bear the anxiety of day after day, and embarked on the road of self-change. I know that the road to women's growth is very bitter and long, but the result is very sweet and refreshing, pay attention to the public account: fish crashing everywhere, let's work together!