He Suohuan, a writer of sexual affective psychology, writes love stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
There is a question on Zhihu: What kind of person do you get along with and what is the most annoying?
One of the high praises replied: "People who lack a sense of boundaries."
Once the relationship between people lacks a sense of boundary, it is doomed to go far.
This is true for parents and children:
Parents always interfere with their children's thoughts, try to control their children, and demand that their children live exactly according to their parents' wishes.
Couples get along like this:
They do not know how to respect each other, they are very controlling, and they are not allowed to have any friends and socialize.
Here's how friends get along:
There is no sense of proportion in speaking, and there is no sense of boundaries in doing things.
This is especially true for relatives and neighbors.
When dealing with people, if the other person does not have a sense of proportion, it will make you feel suffocated.
The feeling is painful and depressing, like a crow in the throat.
For example, going to other people's homes to "visit the door", never let these types of people come to your home, it will only bring you trouble.
-01
Neighbors without a sense of boundaries
When I first moved to a new house, a neighbor came to visit my house every day.
He hasn't renovated yet, so he came to my house to see what the renovation looks like and learn from the experience.
I thought: distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors, and it is good to have a good relationship with neighbors.
But since then, his behavior has become more and more excessive, without a sense of boundaries.
Like what:
I sat at my house for hours, and my family and I were ready to eat, and he didn't leave.
Came to my house with the child, the child made all kinds of noises at home, I hinted many times, he still did not understand.
At the beginning, when I came to my house, I knew to say it in advance, and then I came directly to the house and knocked on the door regardless of the time and occasion.
There was a time when the other party used to call me at night and ask me about trivial things in life.
I haven't let him come to my house since.
I said to him in a nice voice, "I'm sorry, I'm not available, it's inconvenient." ”
Later, I don't know if he really didn't understand or pretended not to understand.
I didn't have that much patience, and after he called me in the middle of the night, I was scolded and has since stopped.
Some neighbors like to chew the root of the tongue;
Some neighbors, without a sense of boundaries, want to borrow everything from you;
Some neighbors come to your house and talk that their children move irregularly.
The relationship between people has long changed.
In the past, everyone lived in the countryside, the living environment was relatively spacious, there was a yard, and several neighbors sat and chatted together at the door.
At that time, there were no mobile phones, no Internet, and the neighbors got closer and passed the boring day.
At present, everyone lives in a house of 100 square meters, and the space is more desirable to obtain privacy and a quiet environment; I don't like others to come to my home, and I don't want my peaceful life to be disturbed all the time.
If you are a high-quality neighbor, get along;
Neighbors with low quality and no sense of proportion must not interact with them more.
-02
Hypocritical relatives and friends
Life is like this, it all depends on acting skills.
Most of the relationships between people are "on the spot".
When you give your heart, the other party takes advantage of your feelings;
You step up when others are in trouble; When you get into trouble, the other party hides in the first place.
In today's society, most relationships are hypocritical.
When eating, drinking and having fun, I think of you; When you encounter a problem, it depends on who runs fast, which is called fox and dog friend.
Low-quality socializing, meaningless.
Instead of wasting time on these people, it is better to use this time to spend time with your family, pursue a career, and earn more money.
When you are valuable, capable, and rich, there are people to make friends with you wherever you go.
When you have no value, when you are not capable, you are not welcomed everywhere you go.
Hypocritical relatives should also stay away.
Like what:
You have helped each other and they don't know gratitude;
In the process of getting along, they will only ask for you, think of you the first time they encounter trouble, but rarely give you anything back.
When you don't give them benefits, they alienate you;
When you give them favors, they flatter you.
Such relatives can hide as far as they can.
Some relatives and friends can't wait to see that you are not doing well;
You are doing well, their ugly, jealous faces, do not hide it.
You're having a bad time, they care about you on the surface, but they're actually happy.
-03
An excessively ambiguous confidant of the opposite sex
What is the state of ambiguity between the opposite sex?
Above friendship, lovers are not full.
A consulting case comes to mind:
The man works in a foreign country, and the wife is closer to a Lan Yan confidant.
Although she and this opposite sex have a good impression of each other, both of them have families and children;
The last line has not been crossed, but the close contact has been maintained.
And this balance is broken because men come to women's homes as guests.
There was no problem, just that the woman's husband happened to return home.
Seeing this scene, the husband didn't say a word, and fought with the woman's Lan Yan confidant.
In the end, the husband took the initiative to propose divorce, explained in every way by his wife, and promised to never have anything to do with Lan Yan's confidant in the future.
If you have a lover, a family, or children, don't get too close to friends of the opposite sex.
Even if your relationship is innocent, in the heart of your lover, you will not believe it.
A little inattention may be the trigger for the breakdown of your relationship.
The most important thing to get along with people is a sense of proportion.
Like what:
Do not expose the short in front of everyone;
Do not inquire about the privacy of others;
will not disturb the normal life of the other party;
Do not interfere with the other party's thoughts and decisions;
will not be spent in other people's homes;
Do not make demands that embarrass the other party.
If you meet someone who makes you feel uncomfortable and makes a request that makes you uncomfortable, you must learn to refuse.
A resolute attitude is the only way for others to respect you.
You will find that human nature is like this:
The better you speak, the more disrespectful others will be to you; You are resolute and strong, and others are afraid of you.
Today's Topic:
Do you hate when people come to your house and why?
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