Seeing my child grow up day by day, as a mother, I began to be a little anxious:
It is said that children's education should be early, should I let my children learn something?
What is the right thing to learn? Read? Count? English? Or what?
Under anxiety, I began to inquire around, taking my children to some early education classes or extracurricular classes to audition, listening to some special teachers' lectures, and finding some parents who came over for consultation, but all these things could not dissolve my inner anxiety.
I was still confused and didn't know what to do.
Until that day, I learned that my friend's child Taotao was about to bid farewell to kindergarten and become a student of a key elementary school. In addition to envy, I also have some yearning, and I don't know what the real face behind the veil of elementary school is.
So, I discussed with Taotao's mother to join the parent group in Taotao's class.
I wanted to hide inside and "peek" into elementary school life.
After lurking in this group for more than a year, watching the children grow little by little, tasting their joys and sorrows, I finally understood an unexpected truth: it turns out that what really determines the future success of children is not how many words you know, how many questions you can do, how many points you can score, but these "winning magic weapons".
First, the optimistic attitude makes the child's future pace more firm
That day, the teacher wrote a long paragraph to parents in the group, to the effect that some children would cry because they did not score excellent students, did not score 100 points, jumped rope and did not jump to the first place, or grabbed toys with children and did not grab them.
Although they are all small things, the teacher still said to the parents seriously: I have been teaching for more than 30 years, I have seen all kinds of students, really, some children, can not withstand a little thing, such children, when they grow up, often can't go far.
As soon as the teacher's words came out, they resonated with many parents: yes, it is really important to make children cheerful and optimistic and have a good attitude.
Developmental psychology researchers followed 745 children for 40 years to find out what influences their ability to have successful careers and higher incomes as they grow up. Is it IQ? Parents' socioeconomic status? Or something else?
The study, which began in 1968 when children were 12 years old, tested IQ, family status, responsibility, optimism and studiousness. Forty years later, in 2008, the researchers tested all the participants again.
The results show that children with a sense of responsibility, optimism and a better attitude towards learning are far more likely to succeed in their careers than children with high IQ and family status.
Martin Seligman, president of the American Psychological Association and founder of positive psychology, in his book Teaching Optimistic Children, identifies optimism, interest, and habits as the qualities that children need to cultivate the most. And among them, the most important is "optimism".
The same seven or eight-year-olds, they have a very different attitude towards things. When a soccer game in the class is lost, some children think: I'm really stupid, I just can't do it well. Optimistic children will think that it is just an accident and that we can do better.
It is true that different attitudes determine different futures.
For young children, optimism is a powerful tool to unleash their inner limitless potential and continue to do better.
Of course, as parents, we also need to tell our children that optimism is not omnipotent, it cannot replace good upbringing, continuous efforts, and correct morality, but optimism is a huge umbrella for children, let them laugh at setbacks, will not be frustrated by a little thing, and can fall forward with the courage.
Teach children to laugh and let the seeds of optimism take root in the fertile soil of childhood.
Second, can play, so that the child's future learning ability is stronger
After the children enter the second semester of the first grade, in order to cultivate the children's sense of responsibility, the teacher has set up several small positions in the class, allowing the children to choose the right person in their minds through self-voting.
Worried that the child would forget when he was young, the teacher also specially explained the time and process of voting in the group.
The result of the vote the next day was somewhat unexpected. The child with the highest vote, called Lele, is naughty, naughty, loves to talk in class, is often named by the teacher in the group, and his grades are average, not excellent.
In the evening, I called my friends and Taotao out for dinner, and during the dinner, I asked Taotao why he chose Lele.
Taotao lowered his head to eat the fragrance, he said without thinking: he can play, he can play anything, very good!
Play is the nature of children, in the young hearts of children, children who can play are the best children, and they can naturally gain the envious eyes of other children.
Speaking of play, many parents will definitely say: how can you let your children play? Losing more time will affect learning.
But is that really the case?
Child development psychologists liken children's play in childhood to "the rehearsal of life", believing that children will feel the excitement of life in advance, including cooperation, communication, and a pleasant sense of achievement.
Peter Gray, a well-known American developmental psychologist, directly pointed out in his book "The Spirit of Play": Children who can play will have a future life.
In order to study the meaning of "play", psychologist John Monnie did a famous experiment.
He isolated several lively and cute baby monkeys and kept them alone in another cage, preventing them from having the opportunity to play and play with their companions.
When these monkeys grew up, he followed up and found that these monkeys were more withdrawn and wooden than other monkeys in terms of personality and behavior habits, and sometimes showed sensitivity, irritability, and irritability.
Allow children to play and give them enough play time, which not only allows children to experience the joy of childhood, but also allows them to understand life, learn knowledge and live happily in the game.
Ma Yun once said: In the current society, if we continue the previous education method, let our children remember, calculate and memorize from an early age, instead of letting children play and experience nature, then I can guarantee that such children will not find jobs in 30 years!
This sentence has aroused the emotion and deep thinking of many parents.
Cultivating children's play ability is to lay the foundation for children's future, and children who can play have stronger learning ability and will be more open in the future.
Third, have empathy, so that the child's future viability is higher
On Friday, the teacher praised a child in the class in the group.
In the afternoon, it was the fun sports day of the school, and the little children were rubbing their hands, all trying to get good grades and win glory for the class.
During the relay run, a boy accidentally fell, and a child in the audience, stood up abruptly, quickly ran to the playground, helped the fallen child up, and carefully lifted his school uniform to wipe his tears.
After the sports day, the teacher asked him why he did this, and the child thought about it and said: What my mother told me, he fell, it was not intentional, how much he hurt.
The teacher said that when the child said this, there was a special light in his eyes.
This is the power of empathy, which guides children to put themselves in the shoes of perceiving, to understand the feelings and emotions of others.
It is not like eye-catching achievements, which highlight the child's learning ability, nor is it like the skill of running and playing, which sets off the child's all-round development.
It is a delicate and silent moisturizing that directly affects the child's harmonious relationship with the outside world and the level of socialization.
Later, I paid special attention to this child and found that the teacher would often praise him, not because he had good grades, but because he was warm, he would bring clean masks to classmates when he was going to school, and he would greet others with concern when they were injured, he was like a small flame, warm and bright.
Duke and the University of Pennsylvania spent 20 years tracking and documenting the growth of more than 750 children.
The study found that many of the children who showed a willingness to share and help others in kindergarten got into good schools and found good jobs. And many of those who do not have empathy drop out of school, have no formal jobs, and even need government assistance to survive.
It can be said that empathy is the child's thick spiritual heritage and rich nutrients, which nourishes the child's heart, opens their hearts, and allows them to control emotions, know how to respect others, and have a kind heart.
American psychiatrist Stanley I Greenspan said: The better a child's empathy, the more likable they will be, and the easier it is to get good interpersonal relationships. And good interpersonal relationships are a key factor in a child's future happiness, and children with empathy will have a higher ability to survive in society in the future.
Children with empathy will definitely not have a bad future, as said in the movie "Miracle Boy":
When you don't know how to choose, it's never wrong to choose goodness.
We work hard to raise our children and grow up, and we all hope that our children will have a rich knowledge foundation, rich spiritual connotation, and a bright future.
Excellent has never been a single standard, and education is a long track.
Our purpose is not to let children win at the starting point, but to let them with happy smiles, with the joy of childhood, with feelings of gratitude, with firm steps, measure their own future.
A good education must be three-dimensional and warm, with both a strong knowledge base and a beautiful and optimistic sentiment, so that children can cross the landscape and the wind and rain in the future,
With the nourishment of a good education, our children will surely be able to grow up into a "chasing the wind" with ideals, ambitions and responsibilities.
Author: Miao Dai
Edited by Molly