Everyone is surrounded by some people who live freely, and anyone who sees it can't help but praise "too cool" and "too enviable".
Because of the variety show "Goodbye Lover 2", the wheat that came out of the circle has countless fans with his free personality.
She does things with little internal friction, and almost always thinks about it and does it without hesitation. Since you have done it, you will do it to the extreme. Get along with people, sincere and open-minded, rarely screwed and tangled.
Image source: Variety show "Goodbye Lover"
Mai Zi left home alone to study dance in Beijing at the age of 8, but because she liked theater, she resolutely went to France to study at the age of 19.
After returning to China, she became a director, and her films won the New Director Award in the advertising industry. In this industry, where less than 15% of workers are women, it is difficult to achieve results, but she is determined to "want more women's perspectives and expressions to be seen."
It turns out that her business ability is really strong.
Participated in "City of Phantom Music" and cooperated with Dou Jingtong to shoot "Phantom Moon". As a director, she perfectly integrates actor characteristics, work expression and artistic aesthetics, and presents the audience with an audio-visual feast of "want to see and see".
She has been steadily moving forward on the path she has chosen.
And back in life, as a wife and mother, she has always been able to accept life's chicken feathers with the greatest tenderness. She recorded the bits and pieces of her life on Weibo, all plain but delicate beauty.
The more I learned about her, the more I felt that "she is like a light that has softened the time."
Her attitude to life can be described in one word, that is, "experience mentality". People who have an experiential mindset live freely.
01
What is the experience mindset
The so-called experiential mentality, as existentialism believes, that all existence is reasonable. Staying open and curious to experience everything that happens in our lives is like watching a flower bloom and a drop of rain fall on a leaf.
Stay courageous and passionate about doing what you want to do and truly live in the present, not the past or the future. Stay calm and rational to observe your beliefs and emotions, and don't get so caught up in them that you forget about life itself.
One year on Maizi's birthday, I asked some friends to drink at the work. Halfway through the drink, she wanted to change venues. However, her husband, Huang Jue, thought it was inappropriate to leave her friends behind like this, so he chased after her and theorized with her.
When he finished venting, Maizi said very calmly: "Okay, we finally had a fight in front of the worker, and youth is complete." ”
Image from the Internet
She didn't justify herself or get angry, she just treated the conflict as an experience.
That was the only time they "quarreled". Because since then, Huang Jue has realized that by letting go of antagonistic emotions, anything can communicate. This may also be the secret of their marriage being as sweet as ever-before-ten years.
However, most people probably can't.
The same conflict, how many people can do things on the matter, right things and not people? Even many times, the fuse of contradiction is extremely insignificant, but because everyone is unwilling to jump out of their emotions and cognition, the result often evolves into self-talk. It seems to be communicating, but in fact, it is only about self-venting. In the end, I can't help but complain that the other party doesn't understand me.
But if you can jump out and observe what is happening between you like a bystander without emotion, and observe each other's inner activities like an X-ray scanner, you will find that everything is excusable. Negative emotions naturally dissipate. Or in other words, it looks down, lets go, and has no worries.
Not just wheat, but throughout the ages, all free-spirited people have an experiential mentality. There are clouds in ancient poetry, flowers in spring, moon in autumn, cool breeze in summer and snow in winter. If there is nothing to worry about, it is a good season on earth.
Why nothing to do? Live in the moment and allow everything to be as it is.
02
How to better live in the moment
Of course, everyone has their own last resort and cannot be handled calmly. Many times, it will still go crazy, it will collapse, it will not be able to hold it and it will not be able to put it down, which is normal. Life is a process of continuous collapse and continuous reconstruction.
And now the free wheat has also been confused, collapsed, and once vented his emotions by overeating. However, she eventually learned to live with an experiential mindset, and slowly became more and more free and powerful.
If you are also struggling with life, how can you adjust?
First, learn inward to transform your negative emotions in time.
Emotions fade or even disappear once they are seen and accepted. If it is ignored or suppressed, it will continue to ferment and become a time bomb.
Chances are, the fuse is just a very small thing. For example, being late and being criticized by the boss. If you never find an exit, it will turn into a great grievance at the end of the day. The heartache of a stay-at-home mother is also accumulated little by little.
What to do? Find yourself an exit. You can write down "I feel very wronged now", you can talk to someone, you can do something to make you happy, and comfort yourself. You can also just give yourself ten minutes to observe how your inner emotions change.
In short, don't let negative emotions pile up.
Second, learn to discern facts and beliefs.
Many of people's troubles do not come from the facts themselves, but from your interpretation of the facts.
The truth is that things are the way they are, no good, no bad, no joy or sorrow. Beliefs are your innate way of thinking about interpreting the outside world. Your beliefs change the way things are like tinted glasses.
For example, there is a traffic jam. The truth is, there are a lot of cars on the road.
Different people will feel differently.
Anxious people will feel "so many cars, annoying people, and being late again." What are those cars up front. ”
Positive people may say, as "Navigation Zhu Guangquan" said, "You see that this road is so blocked, it means that it wants to keep you." Why don't you stop and take a look at the flowers and trees outside."
Of course, emotions are not good or bad, they are your natural reaction, just acceptance. However, if you cannot distinguish between facts and beliefs, it is easy to be intimidated by yourself and unable to live the way you want.
So, when you feel trapped in life, ask yourself:
Is this a fact?
Or is it just my beliefs?
What are the facts?
Once you learn to recognize facts and beliefs, you will be able to control your emotions and actions more freely.
Finally, I would like to share with you a poem by Hellinger, "I Allow Everything to Be as It Is":
I allow everything to be as it is
I allow anything to happen
I allow, and things are so beginning
Such a development
Such an ending
Because I know that all things come from causes and conditions
Everything that happens is inevitable
If I think it's another possibility
It's only yourself who hurts
The only thing I can do
It is allowed
Author: Non also
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