Wen \ Little Snail, Jiang Zuo Meiniang
Writer Zhou Guoping said:
"A strong marriage depends not so much on love as on the harmony of the little things of everyday life."
The happiness of marriage is that after two people maintain it carefully, they can still treat you and me in the face of firewood, rice, oil and salt.
And most couples, obviously may bother to love each other deeply, but the other party just can't feel it, and eventually become familiar strangers.
After reading "The Five Languages of Love", I found that it is not difficult to fall in love with each other, as long as you master the five languages of love, the marriage will not be bad.
If one day you fall in love, remember to speak like this and you win.
01. A good marriage achieves each other with praise
The first language mentioned in The Five Languages of Love is: words of affirmation. Affirmative words imply "identification" deep in the heart.
Think of what psychologist William James once said:
"The deepest human need may be to feel appreciated."
Yes, a good word is warm in winter. The love and appreciation between partners can stimulate their potential and achieve each other.
Friend Haiyan, he was not confident in his appearance since he was a child.
Because she was born with naturally curly hair, she was often ridiculed as a "curly dog" and "flea woman" when she was a child, so that she did not even dare to look in the mirror.
But since getting married, she seems to have changed as a person, confident, sunny, and full of happiness every day.
It turned out that her transformation all relied on her husband's "fancy compliments":
"Your curly hair, really like a Barbie doll, is beautiful."
"Your single eyelid is delicately groomed, it's perfect."
"You matched the colors of your clothes very well today."
The woman is pleasing to herself, and her husband's appreciation makes her willing to spend time dressing herself up.
After becoming beautiful, everything she looks at is beautiful. Now Haiyan not only looks decent and generous, but also does a good job in work.
A woman, who is praised more often, will subconsciously carry out self-suggestion: You say I am good, I am good.
As the "expectancy effect" of psychology says:
"In interpersonal communication, one party's abundant feelings and expectations will play a subtle role in the other party's change."
Looking back on Haiyan's changes, it is precisely because of her husband's appreciation that she feels that she is indeed good, which has fulfilled her dreams that she did not dare to imagine.
That's right, the words of affirmation between husband and wife convey the power of positive praise, achieve each other, and live what they want.
02. Good marriage, speak with gifts
Former South Korean leader Kim Dae-jung said:
"Gifts express the warmest and most beautiful hearts between people."
Gifts are not judged by their price, but whether they can move people's hearts.
When his friend Xiao Zhou chatted, he always thought that his wife was disgusted with him playing games. But once on his birthday, his wife specially sent him a set of game skin equipment, and he is very excited when he thinks about it now.
It is this gift that makes him believe that his wife loves and understands herself.
Many times the gift brings people a touch, not what is sent, but its own value can move people more.
It's like glue, holding two hearts together.
Sanmao told such a thing in "Mr. Gift".
Once my husband went into town to see a friend, but he came back in a hurry less than 2 hours after going out.
She went to cook for him, and the husband took the opportunity to put the gift he had just bought on the table. When she came to the dining table with the dishes, she saw the gift box at a glance and asked in surprise, "How did you know I wanted such a box?" ”
The gentleman laughed proudly. Sanmao kissed Mr. Sanmao and said with disgust: "What I want is chicken heart-shaped, fool." ”
The gentleman smiled and continued to eat. When Sanmao Sheng came back, he conjured a small chicken heart-shaped box in an empty bowl.
Good gifts are always surprises that I don't say, you know. As it says in The Five Languages of Love:
"The gift received is the reward."
The gift prepared with the heart is naturally the supreme reward between couples, it can link people's emotions in ordinary life, and the gift of the heart is the longest confession of love in marriage.
03. Good marriage, speak with action
I once saw a short video:
A truck driver running long hauls with his hemiplegic wife.
On the way, he was responsible for washing his wife's hair and feet, and when he arrived at the station, he carried her on his back and watched the scenery along the way.
In the 192,000 messages in the comment area, all of them praised the actions of the eldest brother's beloved wife.
Very much agree with the sentence:
"Does a person really like you. Not by what he says, but by what he gives up for you. Even if you say that you love you a hundred times, but do not act on it, it is a matter of words. True love is not just talk, but depends on how much you give. ”
Yes, the rarest language in "Five Languages of Love" is the "act of service", which is not enough once or twice, but a long-term effort.
This has to mention Ms. Weng Fan, who is married to Professor Yang Zhenning, a master of physics, who used the action of getting up early for 18 years to make the highest confession to her husband.
Weng Fan was only 28 years old when he first got married, and like most young people, he liked to stay up late and sleep.
Later, in order to facilitate the care of Professor Yang, she adjusted her habit of resting: when Professor Yang sleeps, she sleeps.
Put yourself in each other's shoes, simple actions, and let love have meaning.
Marriage should always be on the road of action, step by step, in order to make the aura of happiness bigger and bigger.
Venus once said:
"If a man feels sorry for you crowding the bus, complains that you don't eat on time, tells you to pay attention to safety on rainy days, please ignore him, and then stay with the person who can drive you, take you to dinner, and pick you up from work."
There will be no contradiction between love, words and actions. Even if he is not good at words, true love will definitely guide him to take action and make people feel the warmth of love.
04. Good marriage, let the body speak
In The Five Languages of Love, the last language is called:
"Physical Contact—Intimacy".
This language is often forgotten when two people have a bad relationship, or there is no longer an intimate impulse, but as long as you let your body move, you will find that your relationship may really turn around.
Think of the sharing of a netizen I saw before: she used 30 hugs to save her marriage on the verge of breakup.
The reason why she was asked for divorce was simple, because her husband had lost his passion for her, and her husband said that feeling for her was like touching her right hand with his left hand.
She offered the conditions: divorce was possible, but for the last 30 days of the marriage, he would go home every night for dinner, and when he left, he would hug her.
In order to clear the relationship as soon as possible, he agreed.
So, for one day, two days, my husband did so, until the 15th day, things took a turn.
That day, my husband didn't seem to be in a hurry to leave, and when he hugged her, he ruffled her hair by the way, and when he saw the fine lines on her face, he seemed to ask with some distress: When was the last time we hugged?
Both cried.
By the 30th day, the man finally took the initiative to dismiss the idea of divorce.
In the hug, perhaps the man has found the feeling of a long absence, and the feeling has come, and he has begun to truly sympathize with her years of silent dedication.
The breath of the body can honestly convey the love and enthusiasm in people's hearts, and it is this love and enthusiasm that makes him brake sharply at the turning point of his life and return to love.
In fact, each of us is a child when it comes to nature, and when we encounter danger and unhappiness, we always want to be hugged, find strength in familiar embraces, and thus overcome difficulties or gain comfort.
Bi Shumin said:
"Skin kiss, lies have no space to breed."
Yes, timely physical touch is a sincere and extreme emotional outpouring, and hugging and kissing are the resonance of deep feelings.
When your bodies come together, your relationship will gradually become harmonious, and the unity of the soul must first have the harmony of the body.
05. A good marriage is expressed in a ritual
The novelty of marriage is to make the originally monotonous days different. Let it be a little bit tricky in simplicity, a little ingenious.
Think of a book that says ritual like this:
"A life with a sense of ritual makes us really have a sense of existence. It is not to leave any impression on others, but to truly perceive life with one's own heart and face life with enthusiasm. ”
Yes, it doesn't matter what the ritual sense is, what matters is that the two hearts can be close to each other, and the two people can know each other's warmth better.
There is a story on Zhihu:
A night editor and his day shift lover can eat 300 reunion breakfasts a year when meeting each other is difficult.
In order to have time together, the wife set the sleep biological clock into two phases, insisting on getting up at six o'clock every day to prepare breakfast; The husband prepares the ingredients the night before.
Every morning breakfast, even though it was popular, they still ate the feeling of vacation.
Giving up time for each other is the most romantic thing in marriage. Looking forward to the freshness of each day with curiosity is the most beautiful look of love.
A sense of ritual reflects an attitude towards life. Take a little thought, a little lucky, your dedication and love for life is a unique way of life, confessing to each other.
The perfection of marriage is that it does not end with the beginning of marriage, let time pass and life is trivial, but also see from a chicken feather, I only care about your poetry and distant places.
06 Mei Niang said
The Five Languages of Love mentions:
"Love doesn't have to disappear after the wedding, but to survive, most of us have to try to learn the second language of love."
Yes, to learn the language of love is to get along with the other person in a way that he likes and accepts.
If we only love in our own way, then the harder we push, the faster we will break.
Love is an instinct, and knowing how to love is a skill.
If you are still in love, or if you have encountered some obstacles in the journey of love, then please join me in learning these five love languages, and then use them well and love fiercely.
May you and I master the language of love and nourish each other's lives with love.
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