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Talk about love|The "post-95s" in the city entered marriage

Born in 1995, Azhen became both a wife and a mother at the age of 25.

Living in Shanghai, she is comparable to her peers in "early marriage and early childbearing". "Love is a concoction, marriage depends on management, and raising children is opening a mom-and-pop shop." After 3 years of marriage, Azhen summed it up this way.

After experiencing mutual care during the epidemic in 2022, Sun Yu of the "post-95 generation" also decided to get married, negotiated the bride price and dowry, and completed the certificate, Sun Yu sighed, "Marriage must have a reliable character." Not only couples, but also parents of both sides, six reliable personalities, formed together to have the premise of marriage. ”

"Instead of saying why I want to get married, ask me why I don't?" The 27-year-old Yatao got engaged at the end of last year, and the next step is to prepare for marriage and buy a house, she feels that she is a more traditional girl, "what age to do".

A few days ago, civil affairs departments in many places across the country announced the 2022 annual marriage big data, and the average age of first marriage in many places is basically close to 30 years old.

In Shanghai, some "post-95" young people enter marriage in their twenties. As wives or mothers, they feel that marriage is different from being in love.

Early childbearing is unexpected, raising children is like opening a "mom-and-pop shop"

Azhen on the phone is a little busy, talking to reporters here while taking care of her two-and-a-half-year-old son Swallowing Bao. Swallow Bao asked her the color of various things, Ah Zhen took the time to reply to her son and said "This is pink", and Swallow Bao's milky voice came "Mother is so smart".

Azhen in 1995 was one of the earliest births in her peers, especially in Shanghai — in 2020, 25-year-old Azhen became a mother two years after graduating from undergraduate school.

The nickname of Swallowing Treasure was taken by her, from the game character "Wine Swallowing Boy", but Grandma always thought it was taken from the nickname of "Gold Swallowing Beast".

In addition to the words, Azhen's topic often began to revolve around the child, and her husband who has been together for five years can't take up a few words, but there is still intimacy and dependence. "Before I got married, he was my ideal type, with positive views, high education, good sales, and temperament, and after I got married, I felt that the ideal type was really just the ideal type." Ah Zhen said with a smile, "After marriage, he also had no image management, only firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce and vinegar tea." ”

Azhen's husband was 5 years older than her, and the two met because of playing games, when Azhen was still a sophomore. A boyfriend and girlfriend relationship was officially established a year later.

In Azhen's view, her husband has a "straight man of steel" side, "You talk to him about emotions, and he reasons with you." But her husband is also a safe haven for her life, and when Azhen is tired of work, he will seriously ask her if she wants to resign, "In fact, asking will make me feel better." The two will also quarrel, but "quarrel to the top", and her husband will suddenly ask her "Are you hungry?" How about I cook first? Azhen was instantly dumbfounded.

Ah Zhen concluded: Love is a concoction, marriage relies on management, and raising children has become a "mom-and-pop shop".

Talk about love|The "post-95s" in the city entered marriage

Dad held a baby for the first time in the ward. All images in this article are courtesy of interviewees

Having children early is an unexpected decision.

In early 2020, Azhen began to feel unwell, but was delayed by the epidemic, and when she went to the hospital, she found that the baby was eight weeks old. At that time, Azhen was still working in a bank, working in Zhejiang, and the two were planning to obtain a certificate.

"I can already hear the fetal heart, how can I bear it." Although they were not prepared psychologically and materially, the two families decided together to let Azhen and her husband, who was still her boyfriend at the time, quickly receive the certificate and welcome the arrival of a new life together.

On September 7, 2020, Swallow Bao was born. Since then, the world of the two has become a stable and mutually supportive triangle, and a small family with difficulties but warmth is formed.

Because she is young and has insufficient savings, Azhen admits that life is not easy.

She and her husband are now working, and most of the time, Swallowing Treasure can only be brought by her grandmother, and her in-laws will help financially from time to time. Azhen feels that she and her husband are strong people, and it is not a taste to work her parents, but when she counts the balance at the end of the year, she feels that there is no way.

Ah Zhen calculated an account, diapers, bought a pack of eighty or ninety yuan at a discount, a pack of 50 tablets, used to be 5 tablets a day, now Swallowing Bao has grown up and used less; The price of milk powder is more than 400 yuan, and it can be won by a discount of more than 300 yuan; Clothes are worn for a while and new ones are bought; There are also tissues, cotton towels, complementary foods for children... It's all a big expense. Azhen often squats to buy baby supplies, she gave up makeup, feeling that the cost is large and unnecessary, and she is afraid of getting on children.

But the smart and cute treasure swallowing also provides them with a great sense of happiness, and they always feel concerned and sustenance in their hearts when working.

This "post-90s" couple likes to take Swallowing treasure to museums and amusement parks. When Swallow Bao cried, he cried along with him, crying until Swallowing Bao said "Don't learn from me". They will reflect on the words of swallowing treasures, and also taste some philosophies, such as "why not be happy, there are so many delicious foods"; On rainy days, they looked out the window at Swallowing Treasure, and went out fully armed to tread water together, "often 'mom sees and beats'." Ah Zhen said with a smile.

"If you ask me if I regret it, I won't," Azhen said, "It's fate, although it is inevitable to sacrifice my youth, but now I feel more motivated." In the future, he may be able to stay with him longer, and the pressure on the child will be less. ”

Talk about love|The "post-95s" in the city entered marriage

A holiday gift from Azhen's "straight man" husband two years ago.

Marriage consists of six reliable "personalities"

Sun Yun, born in 1995, got married last year, and the wedding photos were taken on the grassland. Her long white dress was dragged on the back of the horse, and her lover led the horse and looked at her affectionately.

They were high school classmates and had known each other for more than ten years, but they didn't really get together until they graduated from their master's degrees. The origin is that Sun Yu inadvertently turned to the WeChat address book one day, and a person's avatar and background became completely black, and there was no content in the circle of friends. She opened the dialog curiously and found that it was her high school classmate, who had not spoken in years.

As the chat deepened later, Sun Yu learned that the other party was in a very difficult period at that time, and his studies and feelings were facing great pressure. And her husband also felt at that time: "Everyone in the circle of friends is separated by a wall, it will not be because you changed your avatar today, you don't seem to have spoken much recently, someone will care about you." But Sun Yu would do such a thing, and she broke "that wall."

Talk about love|The "post-95s" in the city entered marriage

Sun Yu and her husband went to Kunming for their honeymoon.

Online chat, offline meeting, eating, traveling, everything went smoothly, and their relationship gradually stabilized. After graduating from graduate school, her boyfriend came to Shanghai from Xi'an to work hard with Sun Yu.

When she just graduated, Sun Yu thought about her future marriage: "I am not only looking for a husband, but also a father of my children, and a son-in-law of my parents." The girl gradually sketched the portrait of her future husband: "The person I want to marry must be reliable, have a strong sense of responsibility and family belonging." ”

They lived together in Shanghai through that outbreak in the spring of 2022. "I was very impressed during that time. In that environment, number one, he did not collapse. Second, he didn't blame me or dump the pot. He would give me the few foods he had in the house. Sun Yu said.

After this sudden "test", as soon as the epidemic ended, she made up her mind to get married. On Qixi (August 4), 2022, the two received their licenses.

Sun Yu and her husband are both children who grew up in second-tier cities in Jiangsu and are only children in well-off families. The man's family happily took out a bride price of 800,000 yuan, and the Sun Yu family also returned 700,000 dowry. The 1.5 million is still stored on their common bank card, and they have saved a large deposit certificate for three years, ready to buy a house in the future, "We first negotiated the most important thing, that is, when the 1.5 million was settled, there were still sporadic expenses such as banquets and wedding photos, and both parties no longer cared." ”

Choosing a wedding dress, collecting a license and taking pictures, asking an emcee, trying on makeup for a wedding... Her husband accompanied her to complete them one by one. She said, "Actually, I think these latter things test the patience of boys. My husband didn't do very well either, but as long as he didn't change his face, he already belonged to a good man. ”

Looking at the process of "settling down", Sun Yu felt: "Marriage must have reliable character." Not only couples, but also the parents of the couple, six reliable personalities, formed together to have the premise of marriage. She describes her relationship with her lover as follows, "More like a friend, very calm, can calmly talk about real problems." ”

The two are currently living in their hometown in second-tier cities, and their wedding is scheduled for May Day this year, and they plan to return to Shanghai to work together in the second half of the year. In order to avoid conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, from decoration, display to decoration, decoration to decoration, decoration to decoration, decoration to decoration, Sun Yu always according to her mother-in-law's preferences, and did not require her name to be written on the real estate certificate.

She and her mother-in-law get along well on a daily basis. The only contradiction is that the mother-in-law believes that taking care of her son is the greatest happiness, but Sun Yu believes that she has studied hard until now, her work is good, and her life cannot only revolve around her husband and family. When she met her mother-in-law to persuade her like this during the New Year's holiday, she cleverly diverted the topic and still lived her little life.

Considering the expectations of the older generation, Sun Yu plans to have a child next year. Most of her friends back home chose to marry around the age of 25-27 like her. Friends in Shanghai have a faster pace of life and rarely marry early. There are also people who envy Sun Yu for meeting the right person and achieving positive results. "It's already hard for me to meet people who have feelings." The friend sighed. Sun Yu relayed another sentence from a friend, "You must believe in love, otherwise it will be too boring." ”

"What age to do?"

In the spring of 2020, Yatao was still a graduate student in the Chinese Department of a famous university in Shanghai, and his girlfriend introduced him to a boyfriend. There was a photo of a boy on WeChat - a science and engineering man who was "very dirty, ugly, and very poorly clothed".

"I didn't think I could talk about sparks at the time, but then he took the initiative and met him."

As soon as they met, Ya Tao felt that the boy in front of him was cute in his "rustic atmosphere", very tall, and his face was quite handsome, but he didn't dress up. "He is very sincere, unlike the boys I have met before who are engaged in literature and art." She could feel the other person's natural tension and was sure that this tension came from liking. He later told her it was love at first sight.

Yatao learned that the other party transferred from humanities and social sciences to a master's degree in engineering, and then went all the way to a doctorate. She saw the boy's self-motivation and gradually changed from liking to liking. In July 2020, they were together.

Talk about love|The "post-95s" in the city entered marriage

Yatao eats barbecue with her boyfriend.

At the beginning of the relationship, the life of the two was full of sweetness. "He was very good to me, he did a lot of homework, he was a warm man. But it's all like a 'good boyfriend' rule. ”

What made Yatao decide to get married came from a trip.

At the turn of summer and autumn 2021, the two went to Dongji Island to play. She remembered that the sunset she saw on the boat was beautiful, and both of them were seasick, and they returned to the hotel and fell asleep. In his sleep, his boyfriend suddenly cried. She shook him awake and asked, "Why are you crying?" "My boyfriend said that he dreamed that the two were separated in a forest, and he couldn't find her for a long time, which was very sad. After that, he cried again and hugged her. "At that moment, my feelings for him sublimated into love and decided to marry him." Yatao said.

"Instead of saying why I want to get married, ask me why I don't?" Yatao feels that she is still a relatively traditional girl, and she should "do whatever she wants".

When she is with her boyfriend, she is happy and calm. In Yatao's view, her boyfriend is responsible, self-motivated, a "reliable" person, able to take responsibility for future children, "an ideal marriage partner." ”

At the end of 2022, 26-year-old Yatao got engaged. Life is gradually not as sweet as when you first fell in love. The little couple will quarrel over living habits, such as whether the washing machine can wash socks and change intimate clothes once a few days.

They are also tolerating each other and slowly making some changes. The mother-in-law speaks straight, sometimes hurting Yatao. When there is a conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the fiancé will often stand on her side first, comfort her, and then reason with her after her mood is stable, and then find a way to persuade her mother-in-law. "On many occasions, I and he are needed to be 'lubricants' to make the relationship between the two families more harmonious."

Yatao is a native of Chongqing, and there is no custom of banquets when engaged. But during the Lunar New Year, she still followed the rules of her fiancé's family in Jiangxi and set up a banquet in each of their hometowns. The bride price is around 150,000 according to local standards.

When she returned to Jiangxi, her mother-in-law cared for her as much as she cared for her daughter. Yatao remembers, "His mother's warmth and authenticity often touched me. But when they got engaged, the two families went through a lot of maneuvers to reach an agreement on the issue of red envelopes due to different customs in different places.

In 2023, Yatao is ready to lose weight first, buy "three golds", engage wedding dresses, take a set of beautiful wedding photos, and then hold a wedding. They plan to make their home in Shanghai in the future, and "the parents of both sides will sponsor us a little." But the bulk of buying a house is still up to us. ”

At present, Yatao is working as a counselor at a university in Shanghai, and his work has just stabilized. "I want to keep writing, fitness. With my husband, I have to face his family, my family, and my job. Life is already crowded. She plans to have children again in two years to maintain a balance in all aspects of her life.

Talk about love|The "post-95s" in the city entered marriage

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