He Suohuan, a writer of sexual affective psychology, writes love stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
What should it be like to truly love someone?
In a show, Ma Yili said her view of love, and then quickly went on the hot search.
What did she say?
Ma Yili said: "I'm very good in love, if not, what do I do in love?" ”
Keywords: love, top.
Can we understand that:
When we fall in love, enter a relationship, and really love someone, should we "go crazy" and love without reservation?
Ma Yili thinks: It's not interesting to talk about love without going up.
In intimate relationships, such people tend to be in this state:
For love, willing to give their most precious things;
For love, willing to give unreservedly;
For love, very top, very crazy, very in love brain.
-01
To truly love someone, should it be kept or unreserved?
Let's start by understanding: What is true love?
Psychologists propose the "love triangle": passion, intimacy, commitment.
Let's take it apart and analyze it.
1. Passion
Passion is the prerequisite for love, and it is also one of the elements for love to continue.
Passion includes: curiosity, novelty, personal desire.
In the process of getting along with the other person, you feel that he is very mysterious, and he has aroused your curiosity.
You can't help but want to know him more and get closer to him.
With him, you are full of freshness in life, feelings, passion and expectation for every day.
2. Intimacy
Intimacy is the product of two people getting along for a period of time.
In a relationship for 3 months, the two of you are lovers;
In love for 1 year, you are intimate partners;
In love for more than 3 years, your relationship is no different from that of husband and wife.
The same is true in marriage.
We all say: three years of pain, seven years of itching.
In fact, after more than 7 years of marriage, the love between husband and wife becomes "family affection".
Intimate, trusting and secure.
3. Commitment
Love must be accompanied by all kinds of commitments.
The logic of the promise is this:
I love you, so I'm willing to give you promises and actively deliver on every promise.
When I say I will marry you, I will marry you;
I said I would take you on a trip and I would definitely take you.
Commitment is an important means of maintaining feelings.
This is what we often call "giving".
Commitment requires giving, and only when you pay is the promise is completed.
From a perceptual point of view:
True love must be "given without reservation".
Psychology uses the word "sacrifice" to describe true love.
In other words:
When you love someone, you must be willing to give a lot of your precious things for the other person, even if it is your own life.
It's like inside "Titanic".
The last scene between Jack and Ruth.
There was only one chance to live, and Jack unreservedly gave it to Ruth.
Jack said, "Take my hope and live well. ”
You say, is this true love?
What's more, Jack and Ruth's encounter and love took place in a short "ship journey".
From the perspective of feelings, I agree with Ma Yili's view of marriage and love.
Since the other party can't let you get on the head, can't let you fall in love without reservation, then what is the point of such a relationship?
-02
Love that does not think about itself is irrational
After all, we do not live in a fairy tale world, we live in reality.
What kind of person has the ability and confidence to say Ma Yili's view of love?
I think those:
People who are financially independent and do not have to work for "survival needs, life needs".
When a person lives well, he needs to use all his strength, and it is basically impossible for you to let him pursue such love.
A line from a certain movie came to mind:
"Love, I love you a twist."
Without material foundation, without bread, people have no courage and no ability to pursue "pure" love.
Who wouldn't want to love one harder?
But the reality is:
"Love you hard, love madly, I can't bring you a good life; If you work hard to earn money and live well, I won't be able to love you attentively. ”
In the movie "Edward Scissorhands", there is a line:
"Put down the scissors and I won't be able to protect you; With scissors, I can't hug you. ”
From a rational, realistic point of view:
In the current environment, it is difficult for people to meet true love, and it is difficult to love someone without reservation.
Let me share a consulting case with you:
The boy and his girlfriend have been in love for 5 years, and the two sides met their parents and finally separated.
Why?
Because the woman's parents do not agree, the boy's family is poorer and cannot afford to buy a house that the woman's parents are satisfied with.
What about 5 years of relationship? In the end, it is not still defeated by reality.
In this case, there is a "separation between true love and reality."
If a woman really loves a boy, why can't she make a compromise?
If a boy really loves a girl, why can't he work harder?
You see, this falls into a "paradox", no one can convince anyone.
In the end, each other can only choose the path of "self-interest".
When you are young, at an age when you don't need to think about "living a life of firewood, rice, oil and salt", you can try to love.
But at a certain age, you find that true love becomes a "luxury."
Today's Topic:
What do you think of Ma Yili's view of marriage?
What is your view of love?