Psychological studies have shown that children have the desire to communicate with each other after the age of 3. Peer groups are an important environment for children's growth, and most children will adapt to the group in their own way.
Parents want their children to have good interpersonal skills so that they can better adapt to society. However, some parents find that their children are withdrawn, like to be alone, unwilling to participate in activities, difficult to integrate into group life...
"The 10-year-old son has very little communication with his parents and has few friends at school. He likes to stay at home and play with his mobile phone on weekends, and his parents are reluctant to drive him out to play. According to the teacher, his son is also very quiet in class, answers questions carefully, and does not play or talk to classmates after class. ”
Psychological studies have shown that children have the desire to interact after the age of 3. With the physical and psychological development of children, the scope of freedom has expanded, and they are no longer satisfied with only interacting with their parents, but have more needs for friends and groups.
Peer groups are an important environment for children's growth, and most children will adapt to the group in their own way. However, when children cannot leave their parents or integrate into the outside group, it is easier to retreat back to their own small world, resulting in loneliness, depression, autism and other bad psychology, which is very detrimental to their intellectual growth and emotional development.
So, what happens to children who get into communicative difficulties?
First, the child's own character and temperament
Some children are outgoing and lively, enthusiastic and active in their interactions with peers, good at cooperating with others, and loved by everyone; Some introverted, insecure children show defensiveness, sensitivity, fear, hostility, anxiety, and make it difficult to approach.
Second, lack of opportunities to interact with peers
Interpersonal skills are continuously learned and exercised in the process of practice.
Some children are only children, who have grown up under the love and protection of their parents and grandparents all year round, and lack the experience of living with siblings and the social environment with peers of recent age;
Some children are left-behind children, older or busy, often left at home alone, lack communication with peers and family, and limited language expression;
Some children have a full time for their parents, little free time and even less play with their peers
……
In the long run, it is difficult for children to enhance interpersonal skills, and they are not good at expression, communication, and cooperation, so that it affects normal interpersonal communication in adulthood.
3. Family upbringing methods
Some families dote on their children or pay too much attention to and accommodate, and it is easy for children to bring this way to peer interaction, have excessive expectations for others, hope that others love and accommodate themselves like parents, it is difficult to consider the feelings of others, and they are slowly alienated by peers;
Some family atmospheres are more indifferent, family members are more distant, and they rarely express love, appreciation, and affirmation between each other, resulting in children's inferiority in their hearts, and do not know how to interact with peers generously, often using the cold war and abandoning relationships to deal with occasional conflicts in interpersonal relationships, resulting in the breakdown of relationships;
Some parents do not like to communicate, or show self-centered behavior in interpersonal communication, which will also subtly affect the child, making them imitate the behavior of their parents;
Some parents can't help but interfere in their children's interpersonal communication and help their children solve interpersonal conflicts in their own ways, such as communicating with each other's parents and teachers, and the result is "good intentions to do bad things", resulting in disgust among the other party's children, and the gap between the two children is even greater.
This not only hinders the development of children's communication skills, but also frustrates children, making children feel more powerless and helpless, feeling "parents can't come forward, what else can I do?!"
In the face of children's interpersonal difficulties, what can parents do to better help their children?
"Know oneself and know the other, a hundred battles will not be lost", parents must first observe and think about how children interact with others and groups, objectively evaluate children's communication skills, and improve them in a targeted manner, in order to better help children learn positive interpersonal skills.
Parents may wish to refer to the following 9 criteria for measuring their children's communication skills:
1. Not afraid of unfamiliar environment, can quickly adapt to the new environment.
2. Be able to control your emotions when necessary.
3. Strong independence, not dependent on others.
4. Get along well with friends and be able to cooperate successfully in various activities and games.
5. Be good and willing to help others, know how to be humble.
6. Be able to understand the intentions of adults and be able to act according to the wishes of adults. At the same time, they can also put forward their own opinions and suggestions.
7. Have organizational skills, can play a leading role as a "little leader" in games and learning, and be loved by partners.
8. Be able to clearly express your thoughts and suggestions in public.
9. Enthusiastic and cheerful, able to respect and trust others when interacting with others.