Recently
Frequent conversations about the problem of the native family on the Internet:
Some people cry that their parents are incompatible,
neglect of oneself;
Some people resent the high-pressure control of their parents,
lack of freedom and exercise on their own;
Others hit walls everywhere in adult love.
There is pain, there is reflection,
How to reconcile with the past has become a compulsory course for contemporary people.
I suggest you take a look
This Douban high-scoring healing movie
- "Afternoon with Margaret".
The protagonist of the story, Kiman, is such a thing
A middle-aged man who can't walk out of the shadow of his childhood.
He is vulgar and fat,
have dyslexia,
There is also a bad mother.
Fortunately,
Kieman on a sunny afternoon
Met the elderly but elegant Margaret.
The old lady with patience with tenderness,
Church Kieman to read,
Illuminated his future life.
Luo Zhenyu once preached in "Strange Words":
"There are cracks in everything,
That's where the light comes in. ”
This heartwarming film tells people who have been hurt:
The shadows are not scary,
Warm people in addition to the sun,
And kindness.
The people around him scratched the deepest wounds
The hero of the story is named Kiman, and life has been poisoning him since he was even born.
After his mother conceived him, his biological father left them behind and ran away.
Mothers vent their resentment on their sons, seeing it as a burden, even a shame.
Kieman just broke the milk in the supermarket once by mistake, and she also cursed:
"I suffered ten hours in the delivery room and gave birth to such a stupid fat pig as you."
When Kieman reached school age, he was found dyslexic at school.
The teacher hurts him, his classmates laugh at him, and when he returns home, he meets all kinds of men brought home by his mother.
Faced with the humiliation of his family and school, Kiman lost his light from an early age and dropped out of school to do odd jobs.
It is even tougher when entering society, and life apparently likes to mock Kieman.
Because of his fat and vulgarity, in the ordinary daily life of the town, he has always been the character who was bullied.
Being withheld wages for no reason is discrimination from society; The mockery of friends implies a deep disrespect.
And that's not all, Kieman returns home and has to face his mother, who is insane due to overindulgence.
From time to time, the mother wriggles around the house and yells, obsessed with destroying the vegetables her son grows in the garden.
She evicted her son from her house and forced him to live in an RV in the garden.
Fate dealt Kiman a bad hand, and he had to beat himself up.
The shadow of childhood has been hanging over Kiman, and he is so mired in it that he sees no hope.
Although Kieman had a gentle girlfriend who gave him love and encouragement, he avoided getting married and having children in middle age.
Kiman felt that he was simply not qualified to be a good father, and that deep down he was still a child who needed to be recognized.
To gain a sense of presence, he would write his name on the town's heroic monument.
Even if he is reprimanded and erased by the administrator, he will write it over and over again.
As positive psychologist Adler said, "Happy people heal their whole lives with childhood, and unhappy people heal childhood with their whole lives." ”
The deepest pain often does not come from grand factors such as society or fate, and the malice of those around them will mark the most severe wounds.
Because of the closeness, so care; Due to the importance, it hurts.
In childhood, we are sensitive and fragile, and lack sufficient cognition and ability to cope with the injuries around us.
But positive psychologist Adler tells us that as long as there is a heart to change and keep learning, everyone can come out of the shadows and run to the sun.
The sunshine of reading ignites hope
It was another sunny afternoon, and Kieman came to the park as usual to count the pigeons and enjoy his few happy hours, but this time there was an elegant old lady sitting next to the flock.
At the age of 95, she is exquisitely dressed and has a beautiful temperament, and affectionately calls Kiman a young man when she opens her mouth.
Margaret, a retired agronomist, has spent her life traveling and reading before coming to the town's nursing home.
Kieman marveled at Margaret's timeless intellectual grace.
For the rest of the day, they would meet in the park in the afternoon.
Margaret, who loves to read, always reads the contents of the book to Kiman.
As Kieman listened, vivid and accurate images appeared in his mind, and he felt the joy of reading for the first time.
Margaret insisted on giving the book to Kiman, who said she couldn't understand even a sentence.
Margaret said patiently, "You're very good at listening. To read is to listen, and to listen is to read. He was also given a dictionary.
Kieman bathed in the afternoon sun, and Margaret's tenderness warmed him just as well.
Encouraged, Kieman began to study reading seriously, but his friends laughed at him for pretending to be garlic.
Unmoved, he listened to Margaret read in the afternoon, groped himself in the evening, and was excited to see a new world.
Coming and going, Kiman opened his heart to Margaret and poured out his suffering: "Is there really a mother who does not love flesh and bones? ”
Margaret listened with a smile on her face, looked at him quietly, and replied:
"If a person does not receive enough love in childhood, then all love is waiting for him to discover."
When Kieman returns home, his insane mother mistakenly thinks he wants to take away her pension.
Under the argument between the two, they broke up their mother's pearl necklace, and large and small pearls rolled on the ground.
Kieman remembered that when he was a child, a lover gave his mother this necklace, and he lived at home to eat and drink.
The lover slapped Kiman for no reason, and the mother roared and threw the lover out and wounded him with a forkfork.
Kiman tried to put himself in his shoes to understand the mother's difficulty and pain, and the rift between mother and child began to heal.
When friends later joked about Kieman's crazy mother, he would always turn his face: "That's my mother!" ”
Kieman learns tenderness and reading from Margaret, and he looks at the world again, and everything gradually becomes brighter.
The former Soviet writer Gorky once said:
Love reading, it will make your life easy; It will lovingly help you understand the complex thoughts, emotions and events; It will teach you to respect others and yourself; It inspires wisdom and hearts with the emotions of loving the world and loving humanity.
Reading is to stand on the shoulders of giants, achieve their spiritual transcendence, and finally shake hands with the past and live in peace with the world.
Go on the road with love and tenderness
The days of intoxication with reading did not last long.
Margaret said regretfully: "I'm already very old, I'm about to lose sight, and I can't read to you anymore." ”
Kiman was worried, Margaret was like a delicate porcelain doll in a store, and he couldn't accept that such an elegant person was about to lose his sight.
Kieman decides to do something for his friend, repaying this man who changed his life with love.
He found good wood and patiently made a beautiful crutch.
However, Margaret, who lost her eyesight, could no longer read, and she had read all her life, how painful it should be now.
The girlfriend gave a worried Kiman: "You can read it to her." ”
He went to the bookstore and bought an easy-to-read novel, practiced it at home, and his girlfriend was his first listener.
Kiman gave Margaret the crutches: "You close your eyes, I have a gift." ”
He pulled out his book and read it slowly.
Kieman has successfully learned to read, without the ridicule of childhood, only sunlight flowing on the two of them.
Kieman returns home full of accomplishment, only to find his mother dead in the bathtub.
He kissed his mother's face and cried like a child.
After the funeral, the lawyer gave Kieman a box that existed during his mother's lifetime.
After Kieman opened it, an umbilical cord, a photo, a title deed.
Only then did he confirm that his mother had always loved him deeply, and he had never understood her pain.
The photo shows his mother posing with a man when she was young, and Kieman meets his father for the first time.
But he was still puzzled by the title deeds, and the lawyer said: "Your mother used to go to the factory every day to do odd jobs and save money to buy the house you rented." ”
Kieman felt wrapped in love, gained a deeper understanding of the injuries he had suffered, and completely let go of the past.
His girlfriend tells Kiman that he is pregnant, Kiman no longer feels inferior to being a father, and he happily welcomes a new life with tenderness.
Kiman wanted to share the good news with Margaret, but pounced on the nursing home.
Margaret's nephew no longer wanted to pay for high nursing care and transferred the elderly to a free but remote orphanage.
Kiman inquired about the address and drove to pick Margaret up from the shabby, dark place.
Margaret quipped: "You didn't go through the guardian's consent, this is kidnapping." ”
Kieman replied, "My home is your home." ”
Under the setting sun, the two set out on the road again with love and tenderness.
Margaret healed Kiman with kindness and wisdom, and Kiman walked out of the shadow of his native family, learned to love, and learned to be gentle.
Without love, life is empty, and life smells of decay.
Only love can pull us out of the abyss, and only love can support us forward.
And tenderness is "already knowing the great things, and pity the grass and trees".
This is a kind tolerance based on understanding, and it is also a strong way of doing things inside.
The film "Afternoon with Margaret" uses prose-style lens language to tell a warm encounter.
It is both an encounter with love and an encounter with reading.
We will inevitably get hurt, but we may not necessarily meet Margaret in our own real life.
But the bright sun is always there waiting for us to discover, to bathe.
Instead of forcing a wise man like Margaret to save us, we can open a book and find wisdom in it ourselves.
As psychologist Owen Yaron said, if you stand taller, the broad view will dilute your misery.
Reflecting on your pain is the first step to growth, but don't stop there.
When you learn to think differently and can understand the causes of pain and the limitations of human nature, you are truly mature.
Love, read, may everyone who has been hurt use this to ignite hope in their hearts, come out of the shadows, and laugh at the storm.
Author | Kim Bai, a man who loves to tell stories.
Image | Stills from the movie "Afternoon with Margaret" (if there is infringement, please contact to delete)