Emotional counseling: It is difficult to trust your partner, and you are always worried that you will betray yourself, what should I do?

In love, many men and women will have a mentality of gain and loss and do not trust their partners.

This not only makes the partner very tired, but also suffers themselves and torments each other.

What to do if you always suspect that your boyfriend is lying to yourself?

An An Consulting:

I've been in a relationship 2 times before, and in every relationship I've been worried about being betrayed and breaking up.

My current boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year, and I often worry about being insecure.

I feel that he was with me because he didn't meet a better girl, and once he did, he would break up with me.

Sometimes he leaves work late, or replies to my messages later, and I suspect that he is accompanying other girls.

So I kept calling him, or video, and at first he patiently explained, saying that he was in a meeting or busy with something, and then he him off and thought I didn't trust him.

Every day I asked him if he loved me, and he said that if he didn't, he would have divided it a long time ago.

He said that I always doubted him like this, which made him very tired, but he was reluctant to break up with me and hoped that I would change it.

The family is quite patriarchal, and when I was a child, my father cheated on me, and my mother always stressed to me that men are unreliable.

I also hope that I will not be always suspicious, but I can't restrain myself.

How can this change?

Guangzhou heard about the interpretation of emotional psychological counselors:

When you suspect that your boyfriend doesn't love you, it seems to be related to your boyfriend, but it is actually related to your own internals.

You are conflicted in your heart, on the one hand, you have low self-esteem, you feel that you are not lovable and do not deserve love; On the other hand, they are particularly eager to be recognized and loved by others.

So no matter how much someone loves you, you can't believe it.

You will always be critical of other people's words and actions that are not as good as you want, looking for evidence that others do not love you to verify that you are an unworthy person.

And once it is confirmed, touching the pain points set by yourself, the inner collapse will be entangled with each other, separated and reluctant.

If you want to help yourself, don't look for reasons in others, learn to explore inward, and make some changes from yourself first.

A person's uncontrollable doubt, speculation and distrust in a relationship may stem from an inner sense of fear and loss of control, so it is necessary to grasp something in some way to get rid of anxiety and fear.

Why is this pattern formed in relationships?

Let's get to know and explore ourselves, and see what causes us to be so afraid and uneasy, or what we have experienced?

When we find the deep core cause, we can practice and heal.

The establishment of a person's sense of security is the result of many factors, which may be related to early life experiences and early parenting by parents.

First, children's cognition of emotions and marriage mostly comes from the marriage of their parents

The marital status of the parents, like a template, is an example of the child's emotional and marital status in the future.

If parents have a harmonious marriage and are loyal to their feelings, children will be full of expectations and yearning for married life and will learn their parents' mode of getting along; If the parents are discordant and unfaithful to the marriage, the child is prone to emotional fear or no expectation of marriage.

Encountering a father's cheating in the early years is an extremely cruel thing for a child, and when you are young, you may feel betrayed by the person closest to you, planting the seeds of unease in your heart, lack of security, how to trust others again?

When one of the parents cheats, it means that there are problems and crises in their relationship, and as a child, you may have witnessed the disharmony of your parents since childhood, as well as the mother's resentment towards the father, etc., which will bear a lot for a child.

The misfortune of your parents' marriage may make you afraid of intimacy.

Because in your experience, intimacy will be wrapped in a lot of deception and hurt, which makes it difficult to relax yourself and can't help but protect yourself in a fearful way.

The more so, the more difficult it is to get close to intimacy.

Second, people who have not been loved well will constantly "toss" in love

In patriarchal families, unfair treatment at home can easily make girls feel inferior and sensitive.

Because of the lack of love, girls will be insecure and often doubt their own worth.

There are also some parents who always mistake "hurt" for "love". Control, repression, cynicism...

They "love" their children in a way that they think is "good for you", but they don't know that children who are wrapped in this "love" are the most lacking in love.

Those children who lack love also lack the ability to love others.

A person who has not been loved well is difficult to develop and mature in character, insecure mentally and emotionally, fragile and sensitive.

If your parents don't give you enough love, it's really a pity.

But you still have many opportunities to develop your ability to love and be loved.

3. Self-growth

For the present self, we can maintain more awareness, realize that our insecurities come from childhood experiences, and have nothing to do with our boyfriend.

You may really want to trust your boyfriend, but you can't control it and get anxious, you will feel that trust is too difficult and difficult...

In this process, you can try to get along with your own anxiety, or you can seek the help of a psychological counselor, open yourself to explore your inner pain, empathize with yourself, understand yourself, and patiently accompany yourself to clean up the thunder in your heart.

When you experience again and again: the dangers you are worried about are not really dangerous; When you think that there will be a loss of control, and you will not really get out of control, you will slowly form new cognitions and experiences, and thus grow.

When you feel fully accepted, understood, and loved by the company of a counselor, you will continue to see your value, improve your self-confidence, and learn to accept yourself.

It's like giving yourself a warm soil in which you can safely take root and grow freely.

This pleasant experience of growing again in the counseling room will naturally turn into a warm affection, become your inner security, flow into your relationship, and your partner will open himself to you more safely.