The white paper "The State of Family Education in China" shows that:
In family education, the role advantage of the father is even higher than that of the mother in some aspects.
The role of the father has an irreplaceable impact on the child's learning, personality, emotions, quality, physique and other aspects.
When you think about it, it is.
Whether a child is outstanding or not is closely related to the father's personality.
I once watched an interview video: an 11-year-old boy in Zhejiang was "angry" by his father and ran away from home.
The boy complained to his father with tears: "Every day you know to let me study, but the whole family does not study by yourself, and still plays with the mobile phone there." Have you learned it yourself? ”
It turned out that the boy's father came home every day, holding the mobile phone, either brushing vibrato, or playing games, doing nothing at home, and lying all day.
I wanted my dad to play with him for a while, and my dad always perfunctory him: "Busy, no time."
When he saw his father playing with his mobile phone, he wanted to play, but his father was not allowed, and said that he wanted to beat him.
The more the boy thought about it, the angrier he became, so he excused himself and simply ran away from home.
In life, in fact, such fathers are not in the minority:
Ask the child not to look at the mobile phone, he has been holding the mobile phone and not letting go;
Complaining about the child dragging and rubbing, but how comfortable and how to come;
Accuse the child of not being self-disciplined enough, but he also gets by every day...
As everyone knows, children are following the rhythm of adults.
A lazy father has a difficult time raising self-disciplined children.
It is said that parents are the mirror of children, and children are the shadows of parents.
Although the child is small, his father's words and deeds will be captured by him.
Fathers are lazy, let themselves go, and raise their children, and children will become lazy and undisciplined.
When I was a child, I dragged my feet and rubbed things, easily gave up halfway, was unwilling to take the initiative to learn, and my self-control was obviously insufficient;
Growing up, taking the initiative to retreat when encountering difficulties, automatically collapsing in the face of pressure, and lacking the willpower to resist temptation.
In the long run, while complaining that life is getting more and more difficult, he is wasting time in a foggy way.
According to one survey:
30% of college students think that they are simply a copy of their father;
50% of college students believe that dad's image and interests have a great influence on them;
60% of college students believe that the reason why they are excellent is that their father's role model has a great influence.
A child with excellent self-discipline, surrounded by a father with strong self-control, is fully supported.
Someone once asked: What is it like to have a grumpy father?
There is an answer, which is very heartfelt: such a father is undoubtedly destroying the future of his children.
Education expert Li Bo once wrote about his uncle in his 60s.
The old uncle's father was over eighty years old and still alive, but the old uncle rarely went to see his old father.
People who don't know why they think that the old uncle is not close to people: "The old father is more than 80 years old, and you can still see him several times." ”
The old uncle said tearfully, "In this life, I would rather be far away from him, even if I give more money." ”
He clearly remembers that from the age of 3 or 4, his father often yelled, scolded, slammed the door because of a small matter...
The meal fell on the clothes, and the "snap" came over with a slap;
Because I don't like to eat green vegetables, I kicked over with one foot;
Even if he didn't do anything wrong, as long as he was present, he would definitely become his punching bag.
It was not until the age of 16 that my uncle joined the army and left home.
The old uncle said that he seemed to be in the center of the storm all the time: "Even when I got married later, he came to find my stubble and made the family chickens and dogs restless!" ”
The old uncle recalled his life without regret and resentment:
"I have achieved nothing in this life, because I was beaten and scared by my father, and I lost all my courage, and when I encountered something, my heart was trembling, I couldn't hold my breath, and God panicked first."
Others say that I have talent, but I don't have the courage, what is the use of talent, you say, can I not hate him? ”
Instead of scolding a wonderful child, the grumpy father beat a child more and more depressed, and he did not dare to come near him for the rest of his life.
Writer Yin Jianli once said: "The three points of temper you throw at your child will cause seven points of harm to your child." ”
The father is angry at everything at home, and the child is careful everywhere in the house.
In the long run, children are reluctant to communicate with their fathers, or even avoid their fathers, lest they make some mistakes to accuse and scold.
In such a parent-child relationship, the child's internal friction is serious, the mouth does not say, and the heart has long been scarred.
Gradually become timid and cowardly, like walking on thin ice, even if you grow up to go to society, you are only a promise, cautious.
There is a concept in psychology called "original inferiority":
Generally occurs in childhood, the inferiority generated by long-term blows and denials in the original family will seriously damage the child's sense of security, resulting in the extreme lack of happiness in the child's life.
Many times, the father is unaware of the child's heart, but it has become the child's painful memory of life.
In fact, when every child comes into this world, it is just a blank piece of paper.
The father's poor character paves the child's future with a gray background.
On the contrary, gentle and patient fathers are more likely to raise confident children.
Counselor Wu Zhihong once told the story of a client.
A 27-year-old boy in Wuhan nestles at home every day, eating instant noodles, playing games, not working, and not having any social interactions.
Through psychological counseling, it was found that the problem was the father who died three years ago.
His father was a very strong man, and from childhood to adulthood he interfered no matter what he did.
For example, choosing interest classes, making friends, applying for school, and choosing a job are all decided by the father.
The father thinks this is the best choice for his children.
As an adult, he also worked, but he did not do it for long.
Later, his father died suddenly, and he lost his direction in a trance and lived into the way he is now.
Writer Albert Hubbard once said, "When parents do too much for their children, children don't do too much for themselves." ”
In fact, worrying about the child everywhere and making decisions for the child in everything can be temporary, but not for a lifetime.
Once a child who lacks self-reliance leaves asylum, it is like:
Fish that are out of the water are withered, and birds that fold their wings are sacred.
Instead of overly controlling your child's life, it is better to teach your child to be self-reliant.
The most likable thing about the hit drama "Young Pie 2" is Lin Dawei, the Buddhist father.
Lin Miaomiao was chased by her mother to go to graduate school, Lin Dawei did not force her daughter to go to graduate school, and also funded her to rent a house to paint outside the school, encouraging her to develop in the areas she liked and was good at;
The daughter likes to draw, the mother is afraid of affecting the learning, Lin Dawei took the child to paint together, and explained that the wife should give the child space, "support the child's freedom, look for poetry and far away";
Her daughter was unemployed, and she felt very sad and humiliated, Lin Dawei told her: "Everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages, the most important thing is not to be arrogant, you make your own decisions." ”
Lin Dawei loves his daughter very much, unlike his mother, he is not considerate and caring for everything, but like a lighthouse, he gives guidance, so that children can feel, think, and understand on their own.
Because of his father, Lin Miaomiao brought his own little sun to his body, and he was more optimistic and cheerful than his peers, and had an opinion.
When she grew up, she became a journalist full of justice, trying to spread positive energy, live a fancy life, independent and confident.
Everyone's growth is traceable.
In many families, fathers are accustomed to saying one thing and not two, treating their children with praise and deprecation.
Whatever you do, if you don't respect your child's ideas, you have to let your child do what he wants.
As everyone knows, a strong father cannot raise a child who is self-reliant.
Because a child who has not been stimulated to stand on his own feet is like a marionette who neither dares to speak nor move.
Children who cannot stand on their own feet follow the trend throughout their lives, go with the flow, and turn to pay for their father's strength.
More important than influencing the child's life is to try to take a step back from the child's life, give the child the space to be self-reliant, and allow the child to grow at his own pace.
The writer Jia Pingwa once wrote poetically in "Father":
"In the hazy days, Father, it is a big mountain. Sitting on his shoulder, I can always see far, far away. ”
The father is the starting point of the child's quality shaping, the foundation of the child's future life, and the prototype of the child's life value.
Lead by example to help children self-discipline;
Gentle fathers, igniting children's self-confidence;
A father with a strong heart guides his child to be self-reliant.
There is a father in the family who brings his own light, and the child will naturally follow the light.
Parents and children are a very deep fate, and the child's path to adulthood is also our own growth path.
What you and I pass on to our children is the strength to grow upwards.
Author | Happy in Qi, love words, express themselves, comb emotions, and pay tribute to life.
Image | Visual China