How long can a couple's relationship last if they cut off contact? Is 20 years enough? Can this long time make them forget each other?
This is a topic of marital feelings that deserves deep consideration.
Once, I have seen such a sentence: even if it is a grain of dust on the road of life, if it is thrown in time and left alone, after many years it falls on your head, it may be a mountain...
At noon, I had a small talk with a colleague's sister and talked about this topic. During the chat, my sister told me a case about a woman's marital misery.
A generation has a generation of satisfaction, a year has a year of stories. Life is always the same, but love and fate are a thousand times, and the entanglement of grievances is intriguing.
Next, I will tell you about this lady's marriage case. From a third-person perspective, I try to tell the truth according to logic, and make a little arrangement to improve readability.
This marriage case is ostensibly about the suffering in marital love, but in fact, this is also a portrayal of life, and helplessness is the most ordinary experience in life.
First, start with a woman's marriage
Twenty or thirty years ago (I reckoned that, it was probably 1995), there was a small couple somewhere who were "rebellious". They are very loving, but they are not practical enough to do things, not authentic enough.
They are not called "rebellious" because they have done something harmful. It is because the feelings of this little couple are really too good, and they are tired and crooked together every day after marriage.
Less than 1 year after giving birth to the eldest, the couple was not satisfied, and they became pregnant with the second child non-stop.
Although pregnant with a second child should not be, as long as you admit your mistake truthfully, follow the team to drain it, and then let the man do birth control, never have a second child, and make up for it. At most, women suffer more sins, men suffer less sins, and rest and rest will be fine.
Unfortunately, the couple does not know how to focus on the big picture. Not only did they hide the fact that they were pregnant with a second child, but they even wanted to secretly give birth to the child...
The consciousness of the surrounding neighbors is very high, and everyone understands a big truth: only if the eldest is a daughter, they can have a second child.
The little couple didn't marry late, and the eldest wasn't a girl. Theoretically, they would not be entitled to have a second child in their lifetime.
Even the big trees in the village are written with eye-catching slogans such as "Only one good child", "Salute to the one-child family", "Don't let your selfishness drag your legs", and so on, always reminding people to remember the glorious tradition of having only one child.
However, the couple is young and ignorant after all, and they are eager and insatiable to have children. They take those eye-catching teachings as the wind in their ears, and in the face of great right and wrong, they shamelessly choose great wrong.
This selfish behavior not only hurt the feelings of several neighbors nearby, but also hurt the glorious tradition of "advanced one-child villages".
There was no impermeable wall under the sky, and because the old man talked a lot and accidentally slipped his mouth, the neighbors soon learned about it. Hearing that they were pregnant with their second son, the neighbors began to fidget.
For the village, this mistake cannot be forgiven. Everyone has persuaded, you don't have to be so selfish, everyone else has 1, you don't drag your feet...
However, this little couple really did not know what to do, not only did not listen to persuasion, but also wanted to run. If they really let them run, not only did the team not agree, but the fathers and elders in their hometown did not agree!
Everyone does not want to sit together, and they must not let themselves bear the loss because of the selfishness of the little couple. After quiet deliberation, they secretly exposed the daring little couple.
Fortunately, the two small families escaped early and were not caught. In the evening of the same day, the door of their house was marked with a strip and locked. The couple had nowhere to go, hiding in the well house in the wheat field, and stayed up for 1 day and 2 nights without eating or drinking.
Can hiding out be forgiven?
The couple understood that they had made a very serious mistake and could not hide from the first fifteen. Even if you hide in the ends of the earth, you are not qualified to give birth to a child.
Everyone knows that you can't be too selfish. After all, every time you have one more child, it will add an extra burden to society...
This story (the real marriage case) begins a dramatic evolution from here, and finally summarizes into a woman's painful life and the regret of marriage love and hate entanglement...
Second, there are contradictions in feelings, and marriage exists in name only
The young couple had planned to go far away as planned and find a place to hide. Give birth to the child first, and then be willing to punish and accept the punishment.
But because they had some concerns in their hearts, they couldn't bear to go away.
Seeing that the brother's family has nowhere to go, watching the old father being slapped, the man of course blames himself. Even the pear blossom wood bed that my grandparents had slept for decades was carried to the main road, not allowing the second elder to go home and live...
The scene was so poignant that the man finally gave up his plan to leave.
Just as the so-called monk can't run the temple, everyone has a way to force the little couple to come back. After all, your parents and family are all there, and it is difficult to escape with your wings, and I don't believe that you can really go away with a cruel heart.
The man advised his wife: "Don't be stubborn, go back to the team and admit your mistakes, I don't want to watch my family sleeping on the street." Grandparents are old, sleep on the road can't stand it, let's not be selfish. ”
Women want to give birth to the second treasure, but the facts have proved that they do not have that fate.
The woman reluctantly agreed to the man's suggestion and returned to the village to admit her mistake. The next day, more than 4 months pregnant, she tearfully gave up the child. After the operation, she almost cried out for her life and lay down for more than 2 months, not only leaving a body with a problem, but even her spirit collapsed.
After being criticized for education, he took the initiative to undergo birth control surgery to carry forward the fine traditions of the village.
For others, this matter has passed like this, and it is the right to talk about after the tea and dinner. But for this couple, the impact is far-reaching, and finally regrettable...
After losing the second treasure, the woman was mentally devastated. She often cried at night and always lost her temper without warning. Every time she had an emotional attack, she would scratch her husband all over the body.
The husband couldn't bear it anymore and finally moved. After being beaten by her husband a few times, she was quite honest. But he has also become depressed and does not like to talk.
At that time, although there was already a term "depression", no one realized its seriousness. Folk people mostly treat it as "heart disease", mistakenly thinking that as long as she rests and forgets the sad thing, the heart disease will soon get better.
No one knows how she really feels in her heart, and no one can feel the pain of losing her child. In short, she was tired of the family, tired of her husband, and tired of herself.
From a psychological point of view, depression for a long time is a "symptom". When the subconscious mind flashes back, the active consciousness is easily "navigated", resulting in intermittent split personality in a state of ignorance.
It is said that for a time, when she saw her husband, she would be afraid and crouched in the corner of the wall with her head in her hands. Seeing the children in the village will also be afraid, eager to take the road and run away...
She couldn't do housework, couldn't take care of Dabao, and couldn't even communicate with people.
Over time, even the best couple relationship is prone to problems. Men do not understand the bitterness of their wives' hearts, and whenever she "goes crazy", men either hit or scold. The love that was in love at that time disappeared, and the relationship between husband and wife could never return to the past.
One day (presumably in the winter of 1997) the woman was beaten up by a man again, and as the year drew to a close, firecrackers were everywhere. The woman was so frightened that she went mad and disappeared after being beaten. For 20 years, she never came back...
Third, life is short, 20 years
Where did the woman go?
Everyone didn't know, in short, because the woman ran away, the family didn't have a good year. Men have searched all the places they can find, but they can't find the whereabouts of their wives.
For nearly 20 years, the woman was heard from, as if the world had evaporated, and even her mother's family did not know where she had gone. But there is still a glimmer of hope in their hearts, believing that she is still alive...
Yes, of course the woman is still alive.
Not only was she still alive, but she was also "married" in the field. In that "new family", 2 children and 1 daughter were born.
After being beaten by her husband that year, she ran out of the house crying. It was snowing lightly that day, and she came to the river 20 miles from her home.
She couldn't think straight, she was tired of this world for a long time, and she just wanted to go away for another life relief. The ice was too thick, she couldn't open it, and she couldn't jump in, until she was frozen and there was no relief...
A middle-aged single man who pulled lime blocks passed by and "picked her up" as a wife. As if he had picked up a treasure, he hid the woman and temporarily ate and drank well.
Within a few days, the middle-aged man sold the "donkey cart" and gave up the hard-won lime factory job. He quietly left here with the woman, returned to his hometown hundreds of miles away, married the woman, and lived together...
When I heard my sister talk about this, I felt very depressed in my heart. Perhaps this is the strangeness and twists of fate, and every turning point to suffering is the helplessness and sadness of fate.
And then move on.
At that time, women had mental problems, a few times normal, most of the time crazy. After being taken away by a middle-aged man, she was helpless and confused to live with this man.
Although they were not husband and wife, their later lives were no different from those of husband and wife. It is precisely because the two people are not officially married, and no one cares whether they have children or not...
Time is like water, "husband and wife" have been together for many years, and have given birth to 3 children and cultivated deep feelings. Unconsciously, the woman returned to a normal mental state. She misses the home over there, but she can't let go of the home over there...
In the eyes of the locals, although everyone does not know where this "foreign daughter-in-law" is, they agree that the life of this "husband and wife" is quite harmonious.
One winter a few years ago (I guess it should be the winter of 2017), after more than 20 years of "husband and wife" together, the woman's "husband" died of illness, leaving the woman and 3 children.
The eldest two are boys, one is 18 years old, one is 17 years old, and the third is a girl, 15 years old. Looking back, life was short, as if it was 20 years in the blink of an eye. Love and hate can't be said clearly, of course, and they can't be finished.
A woman is willing to continue to live here for the sake of her children, but without the protection of her husband, her life has troubles and sorrows.
There were several single men in the village who beat her idea, stalking and pestering. She is often bullied, and for the sake of face, she does not dare to tell others, and can only wash her face with tears alone...
Fourth, goodbye in 20 years, a lifetime of regrets
After the death of the "husband", the woman becomes a loner. Not only could she not protect the children, she couldn't even protect herself in the face of the men's careful thinking.
I haven't been back to that home in 20 years, and I don't know what happened over there...
In order to live, she made up her mind to take her 3 children back to her original home. If the husband accepts himself, then live a good life with him. If he doesn't accept it, take the children to work.
In short, the place where I have lived for 20 years cannot stay any longer. Even if you die, you have to leave.
The woman first returned to her parents' house, the old mother has been dead for more than a year, she has not even seen the last face. When the old father saw his daughter return, he immediately burst into tears. The old man burned the pot himself on crutches and had to cook for his daughter and her 3 children...
A few days later, the woman met her original husband. After 20 years, they recognized each other at first sight. When we met, no one talked about the past. The two embraced and cried, and this hug seemed to confirm that the original love was deeper than the sea, and that love still remained in each other's hearts.
Women are willing to stay and live, but men are hesitant.
He remarried more than 10 years ago and found a divorced woman with children. Although he can no longer have children, they are a legitimate couple, and it is difficult to abandon this marriage.
In addition, 20 years of things are not human, and too much has changed.
Although it was good for the original wife to come home, it was not a good thing for her to take 3 children with her. Thinking of the hardships of the future, men have to hesitate. Even if the "current wife" is no good to him, he does not dare to easily accept the original wife.
Seeing that her former husband already has a family, the woman is disheartened.
The old father had long advised her not to come, but she still came with a glimmer of hope. Now that her hopes were suddenly dashed, she finally recognized her situation.
The woman saw the child (the firstborn of the first marriage) side, but the last wish. She's going to leave again with her 3 children and go to a faraway place...
We often say that fate is not the end, and it is impossible to understand and guess.
This is exactly the case, when the woman left, her husband finally "conscience discovered". He accepted the woman and didn't agree with her going out and suffering again.
He came up with a "best of both worlds" approach, leaving the "original wife" behind, trying to persuade the "current wife" to try to make the 2 women get along harmoniously. As for how to take care of the children in the future, take one step at a time...
Fast forward 20 years, and the woman's life has settled down again. At that time, no one expected that if there was no absurd "acceptance" and "redemption", perhaps there would be no regret of tragedy later...
Fifth, life is an involuntary journey
That year (the turn of spring and summer 2018), the woman took her children to live in her husband's house. From the fate point of view, after so many ups and downs, it is a kind of happiness to become a family again.
From the perspective of fate, she hurt an innocent woman and lived a very wronged life herself. Some losses in life have nothing to do with cause and effect, and they cannot be regained in their lifetime.
Ever since the woman stayed in that home, the peaceful family was in disarray. Two women often quarrel, a man is embarrassed on both sides, and five children are not united enough.
The woman lived in her husband's house for more than half a year, and it was another winter. Because of the husband and wife quarrel, she was beaten by her husband again.
After so much suffering, she suddenly couldn't think straight. Perhaps feeling that life was meaningless, she ended her short and bumpy life by the river, at the age of 47.
Everything was like reincarnation, and the river did not freeze that year. The road that was not completed that year, after more than 20 years, she finally finished.
The matter is not over here, after the woman left, her two sons chose to "avenge". I will not go into detail about this paragraph, the ending is of course tragic, comparable to the destruction of the family.
The man was gone, and his second wife was gone with the children she had brought with her.
It is said that there is a debt and a master, and the woman's two children have also been punished as they deserve. The eldest was 19 years old and gone. The second was less than 18 and survived. In about 15 years, he will be able to come out...
This marriage case is emotional, and logically speaking, it is a family's joy and sorrow. Realistically, this is the misery of a woman's marital feelings for a short lifetime.
If she wasn't pregnant with her second child, if her husband was considerate of her, if she didn't think about it, if she didn't come back later...
Maybe everything is a different ending.
The helplessness of life is often like this, after not remembering, the more memories the more sad. Some people, once missed out, regret a lifetime. Some people don't miss much, but they ruin their lives.
Life is like an involuntary journey, there is always sour, sweet and bitter, whether it is sour or sweet always has to be faced. Among them, Baiwei can only be experienced by themselves.