Noble marriage is inseparable from these three words

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Solve the difficult problems of relationship between partners

01

Girlfriend Kathy's husband has worked for seven years, is about to evaluate the title, in recent times, the husband every day in a hurry to prepare materials, find papers, paste continuing education labels, but also to find the year-end assessment of various awards and comments, everything is almost ready, bound up a thick book.

The next day was going to be sent to the review, the husband picked up the materials in the morning, and went to work steadily, but in the afternoon he suddenly made a hundred thousand urgent phone calls to Casey.

Saying that when he was checking, he found that there was an important paper that was not put in, but the husband now has a task that the leader has just sent to complete, so it is too late to prepare, please Kathy to help find the paper published in a certain journal.

Casey thought, the title is a big deal, she immediately took a leave of absence to go home, help her husband find it, spent a lot of effort, and finally found it, but found a yellow stain, the paper is as thin and brittle as the autumn leaves with rolls, Casey copied two copies, are not very clear, ask the husband how it is good, the husband said, otherwise you beat it down.

Casey was a little hesitant, not very happy in his heart, because he was not fast typing, this paper was less than 5,000 words, but her husband was particularly anxious, saying that he must get it in the afternoon, and he also had to find a senior friend to see the material, so Casey had to reluctantly agree.

The result was really moldy, the s-keys on the keyboard were not very sensitive, and she spent about three hours to complete. Then my husband came home from work, he picked up the printed things and left, Kathy said, I haven't checked it yet! The husband said, it doesn't matter, it's not bad.

But who knows, the results of the review came down, the husband did not pass, when looking for the reason, the husband thought left and right, and then the senior friend said, it may be the problem of the paper, at that time I felt that there were some problems with the format, and some review experts looked at your professional attitude.

My husband turned to Kathy and muttered, "How about the format of the paper, haven't you studied it in college?"

Kathy's heart began to feel uncomfortable, she thought that I was helping you to do things, you were so anxious at the time, I can say that I put down the work at hand, went all out to help you, played well, you did not mention any format, but now, you have not a word of thanks, even complain about me, I already know, I might as well not help you!

Tossing and turning due to emotional problems

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02

I said to Casey, you are very right, in fact, at the beginning of this matter, your heart is uncomfortable, in fact, it has touched a boundary in your heart, and what you should do most is to respect your inner sense of boundary!

If you respected your sense of boundaries, you wouldn't have the bad emotions you have now.

If he had rejected him in the first place, he would have found other solutions. For example, it can find the kind of professional typist, spend a little money to solve this problem, maybe they play faster and better than you.

In the end, if he loses, he won't blame you. Unlike now, when you do something good and he doesn't get what he wants, he blames you.

If you sincerely understand that he is too late to find other people, only when you help him, you have to declare at the beginning, you can only do which step, as for the other high requirements, you can not do, if something happens, do not blame you, otherwise you let him ask another smart.

Casey said, yeah, didn't think about it that much at first.

In fact, if a stranger asks for help, she should still pay attention to the sense of boundaries, but because she is a husband, in that kind of anxious situation, she immediately has a kind of courage to give up on me, and she did not think of rejecting him at all.

I say yes, for unreasonable requests from strangers, we will stick to the boundaries, reject them, and there will not be too much emotional guilt, but for the loved ones, we feel the same, and sometimes we forget the boundaries.

And "feelings" are indeed the nemesis of the sense of boundaries.

You think too much about him, cross the border for him, not necessarily in exchange for his sympathy, on the contrary, often cross the border for him, but will make him accustomed to nature, more and more contempt for your value.

And you will also be full of grievances and resentment, and be hurt by him.

Was that your intention? So sometimes, the more you start from your feelings for the sake of others, but in the end you have to carry this hurtful black cauldron, you can cut him from the heart, but the person who puts yourself in such a position is actually yourself.

If you don't want to accept such an outcome, then when he first violates your boundaries, you maintain your boundaries and don't be disturbed by anything. What is an urgent situation, a gentle inquiry, a flattering desire, or a commanding threat, you can reasonably refuse the other half's request, then there will be no subsequent events.

And now, you still have the opportunity to remedy, this time you can stick to your boundaries, don't accept such a blame, you can hardly return a sentence to him, then next time I will definitely not help you again;

You can also satirize him, this year Lei Feng can not do ah, you can also say humorously, do not look for me in the future, because my fragile little heart can not withstand such a blow from you!

In short, your sense of boundaries has been broken by him once, and this time it is determined not to let him attack again.

Tossing and turning due to emotional problems

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Many times, it is not that the more you do for each other, the more others will appreciate you, and sometimes, the more you do, the more you give others more criticism of you.

Therefore, in marriage, giving yourself the ability to grasp the sense of boundaries is the only way you can hold on to married life.

03

The term "psychological boundary" was first coined by the psychologist Ernest Hamant, who said: "If the ego is an ancient castle, then the strength of the psychological boundary is a moat outside the castle." ”

Of course, the width of the moat is set by yourself. Some people set wide, his own territory is large, it will not seem very good to talk, some are not close to people, some people set narrow, his own territory is small, it will appear very warm and temperamental, humane.

Wide and narrow is not good or bad, depending on your own preferences, but absolutely can not be without.

Everyone has to have their own psychological boundaries, when someone wants to approach you and ask for your help, you can put down the bridge to let him freely enter and exit the castle, or you can reject him, the barrier is tight, the knives are facing each other, so that he never dares to come near again.

Of course, if you make the moat so wide and strong that no one else can invade it, you can live in peace, enjoy yourself, and enjoy your own free life in the castle, and it is inevitable that you will stay away from the world and live in isolation.

And everything is up to you; everything is determined by your own comfort.

In marriage, two intimate people, when in love, are like glue, it is inevitable that they will not distinguish each other, and if the boundaries of the heart are walled around the court, then it is naturally difficult to be intimate.

But when you enter a stable marriage and enter a normal life, you must not forget your psychological boundaries.

Casey, in fact, the husband's unwarranted blame in this matter is precisely to imply that maybe at home, you are sometimes too condescending to him.

Suddenly I thought of a tragic incident not long ago.

According to netizens, a KTV legal representative in Nanchang got along well with the employees and tried to bring the pregnant xiaosan home. The mother knelt down to stop it, and the wife accompanied her to the obstetric examination. Then there was such a scene, the wife and Xiaosan wanted to jump off the building, and the man chose to take care of Xiaosan first... The wife was extremely disappointed and jumped from the 28th floor, the wife died innocently, and the husband and xiaosan were idly strolling around.

The news behind this news is even more jaw-dropping. The blatantly cheating man spent almost all of his money in the business from his wife's support.

First of all, his property was mortgaged to the bank, his father-in-law's house was also mortgaged, and his wife also used a credit card to borrow more than one million yuan to start a business for him.

The wife paid so much to him, it can be said that even the coffin of his own mother's parents was taken to help the man do business, this kind of great grace, not only did not make the man grateful to the woman, on the contrary, he even split his legs and enlarged the stomachs of other women.

Finally, Xiao San wanted to enter the room, the man could still let the original match take Xiao San to the maternity examination, the original match actually jumped off the building in anger, but the man pulled Xiao San and let her go, so she went to see God, God, is this true?

Most people will stand in the position of justice and goodness to condemn the scumbag and xiaosan, thinking that they are more excessive than one another, but no one thinks about it, making a scene like today, women step by step, and finally retreating, fighting to the death, what is the reason? What could this woman probably overlook in her marriage?

In a word, a sense of boundaries.

04

When this man first asks to mortgage his own property, if the woman's boundary sounds the alarm, then, she absolutely can not easily agree to the man, there must be a request, for example, this time the investment fails, then honestly work to go, it is impossible to mortgage his own house, but also to take his parents' house, it is impossible to use his own credit to overdraft millions of dollars for men, she does this, can she know that she will really have no way to retreat?

Men to start a business, not can not help, but, not in this way to help, first of all, you must at least ensure that these losses you can bear, and can not be foolish to help him to fill a bottomless pit;

Secondly, you found that you helped him once, when there is no improvement, you can completely not help, how much business you have done, you are not poor and love the rich, but you can't help him borrow money to fight.

In life, nature is also a very unclear sense of boundaries, the first time you find signs of her husband cheating, you should stop the loss in time, how can you get the little three are pregnant, she is the last person to know? He really has a defeat to you, and when the showdown is useless, you can also affirm the principle, and if he does it again, you can kick him out of the egg.

She is like an ATM machine that can withdraw money indefinitely, like a mother who can infinitely tolerate all the faults of her children, and a woman who gives all her money and all her emotions to men, what do you have left for yourself?

When a woman has no sense of boundaries, and finally allows others to slaughter and exploit, and then the chickens fly and eggs beat, people go to the empty building, and they only leave a red strip and a rotten life, then how can your efforts produce value and meaning in men?

In the end, if the man loses everything and abandons you, you become a street rat who is complained by your parents and denounced by more debt collectors, the money is gone, the people are gone, Oh my God, you have simply become a complete negative energy, anyone can avoid it, at that time, you are really humble as dust, despicable as grass.

You are living more and more despicable!!! And, women are always more borderline, the more noble they live.

Some people say that women do this not for love? Loving this man will be willing to bear so many debts for him, will be willing to tolerate such an arrogant little three, and even in the end, he will not punish his husband and little three.

Yes, but women can be affectionate and affectionate, but they must not be abusive and greedy.

Such a husband who knocks on the bone and sucks the marrow, you should have seen his essence long ago, why do you still want to help him and indulge him? What is the point of getting such a man's affection?

You forget your sense of boundaries, so you will be trapped by love, tired of love, and put all your wealth and life on the word "love", and then, is the woman who lost the city still valuable?

Some people also say that we women are not affectionate, there are many times, is afraid of men; those women with a clear sense of boundaries are either beautiful, talented, or have strong backers, so they dare to reject men, otherwise, if men are angry, they are always afraid of people. I said, no.

Hu Shi's wife, Jiang Dongxiu, does not know one in big characters, has no appearance, and has no talent, but is it not the same as the handsome and dashing sea turtle Mr. Hu Shi who is obedient?

That's because, this rural woman, very limited, you go abroad to study, a few years do not come back can be, you are not distracted by the study, let me take care of the family more, even if you go out every day to teach and socialize, I can also ignore, but you can not cheat, you cheat is to break through my boundaries, you are so disrespectful to me, then nonsense less, less nonsense, less talk, if you do not agree, on the kitchen knife to serve, finally, Mr. Hu Shi's several relationships are not gone?

Some people say, how to determine the sense of boundaries?

The sense of boundaries is different for everyone, if you really can't be sure, then let your sense of boundaries conform to universal morality and customs, so that it is easier to grasp.

There are many women, whether it is the old public office room, or going out, the husband has always been very protective of them, why? Because they grasped the sense of boundaries from the beginning and did not waver them for anyone, they exchanged this life for nobility.

And some women, why are they dazzling before marriage, and soon after marriage, they are swept out of the house, because they either forget the boundaries, or dare not insist on the boundaries, and finally gradually be despised and disliked by men.

And women not only have to pass the love pass, but also have to pass their own kind of barrier that always treats themselves as weak.

In the end, as long as you are not afraid and bravely persevere, there is nothing to stop you.

In 1990, Liu Jialing, who had just arrived in Hong Kong, was kidnapped and insulted by the underworld and took nude photos, it is reported that the main reason is that Liu Jialing refused to cooperate with the underworld forces to make films, and even refused to unspoken rules, thus annoying this underworld figure, she was kidnapped, Liu Jialing insisted on maintaining her own boundaries and was tragically kidnapped.

In October 2002, the Hong Kong gossip magazine East Weekly prominently published a semi-nude photograph of a woman being abused on its cover. Although Neiwen did not name the woman, he said that she was an actress who was photographed nude after being kidnapped many years ago, which clearly alluded to Liu Jialing.

At that time, the Hong Kong community was indignant, and dozens of organizations in Hong Kong's film industry, education circles, and labor circles published joint statements in many newspapers, strongly condemning the behavior of "East Weekly" for seeking commercial benefits and ignoring the pain of the victims.

On the day of the parade, Liu Jialing, who was dressed in black, also appeared at the scene, and her courage was commendable.

Liu Jialing's move has enabled her to establish a very good image in the hearts of Hong Kong citizens, and has made her career more and more smooth.

When a woman bravely shows a sense of boundaries and tries to defend them, everyone will be in awe of her. Those humiliations can be turned into an aura, carried on the top of a woman's head, which is the crown that she crowns herself, and no one can take it away.

So in the end, it all depends on how you see yourself, in short, the more a woman has a sense of boundaries, the more noble she lives.

Tossing and turning due to emotional problems

Welcome to scan the code to add, I will help you