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What should a good house rule look like?

Why house rules matter

Family rules are positive statements about how your family wants to care for and treat its members. Rules can help:

Children and teens know what behaviors in your family are okay and what is not

Adult attitudes towards children and adolescents are consistent

Rules can help everyone in your family get along better. They make family life more active and peaceful.

What do good house rules look like?

Good family rules guide children's behavior in a positive way. They:

Say exactly what you expect – for example, "When we ask for something, we say 'please'"

Easy for kids to understand – for example, "use a quiet voice inside the house"

Tell your child what to do, not what not to do – for example, "Put away your clothes" instead of "Don't mess around."

Rules for telling children what not to do are sometimes okay. They are best when it's hard to explain what to do – for example, "Don't ask for something in the supermarket" or "Don't get in the car with a driver who's already drunk."

A short list of positive family rules is better than a long list, especially for younger children.

What rules to make

Choose the most important things to make the rules. This may include rules about:

Physical behavior toward each other – for example, "be gentle with each other"

Safety – for example, "Fasten your seat belt in your car"

Etiquette – for example, "We'll wait until someone else's done."

Everyday life – for example, "We take turns setting the table every night"

Mutual respect – for example, "Knock on the door before entering each other's room".

Who is involved in setting the rules

When making family rules, it is important to involve all family members as much as possible.

Children as young as three years old can participate in the discussion of the rules. As children get older, they can get more involved in deciding what the rules should be.

What should a good house rule look like?

When you involve children and teens in setting rules, it helps them understand and accept the rules and why your family needs them. This means they are more likely to think the rules are fair and stick to them.

For older children and teens, participating in making rules can also give them the opportunity to take responsibility for their actions.

When to review or change rules

It's good to check your family rules from time to time to check how they work. It's also a great way to remind everyone of the most important rules.

Sometimes your rules need to be changed because your children are growing up or your family situation has changed. For example, you can extend the bedtime of a school-age child or extend the curfew for adolescents and children. Or, if a parent's work schedule changes, you might have some new or different rules to help with housework.

Just like you make new rules, it's good to involve children in changing the rules.

House rules are required of children of different ages

preschool children

Most children 3-4 years of age have language skills to understand simple rules.

But at this age, children are likely to forget or ignore the rules. They need support and reminders to follow your family rules. For example, "Remember, we sit down to eat."

When it comes to safety, the rules are important, but it's best not to rely on them to keep your child safe. For example, your rule might be "Stay away from the road," but you still need to always look after your child near the road.

Schoolchildren

All kids are different, but in most cases, kids will probably start to rely on them to follow the rules without your help by the time they're 8 to 10 years old. For example, a child of this age may remember the rules of brushing their teeth before going to bed or waiting for an adult before crossing the street.

juvenile

Rules are just as important to teens as young children. When many other things change, clear rules give teens a sense of security. It's never too late to set or reinforce rules for teens.

Rules regarding safe behavior are particularly important. These may include regulations regarding alcohol, sex, dating, and curfews. Some families negotiate and sign security contracts. A security contract is a signed agreement outlining the rules — for example, "I text you when I use public transport at night."

However, as teens seek more autonomy and independence, you can expect some challenges to the rules at this age group.

There are additional needs

Children In families with children with additional needs, consistent rules convey the message of equality for all. For example, if your family rule is that you all get along with each other, then your child with additional needs should follow this rule just like your normally developing child.

Some children with additional needs may need help understanding and remembering the rules.

What to do if the child does not follow the rules

When a child breaks a rule, you may choose to simply remind them of the rules and give them a chance.

But the consequences of using a violation of the rules in the end are more effective.

It is best to discuss the consequences together with the whole family. This ensures that everyone understands and agrees on the consequences. If everyone understands and agrees, it's easier to put the consequences into action when a child breaks the rules.

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