"Sorry editor, I didn't finish the manuscript this time, can I postpone it for two days?" I haven't found the perfect entry point. ”
When I typed this passage into the dialog box, my heart was broken.
Completion and perfection, which is more important? This is also a question that has puzzled me for a long time.
Like a lot of people, I often like to say, "Don't do it or do it best." ”
But what is the best standard? There seems to be no answer.
But done or not, the answer is obvious.
More often, because we foresee that we can't do something perfectly, we choose to give up and run away.
Without well-fitting sportswear, we don't go for a run;
Worry about not being competent, we miss out on good job opportunities;
Afraid of rejection, we simply stay away from socializing.
It seems that we do not realize that when life is eroded little by little by perfectionism, life loses more possibilities.
In "Micro Habits" author Stephen M. In the book "How to Become an Imperfectist", perhaps you can find a way to crack it, get rid of the compulsion, procrastination, inferiority, entanglement brought about by perfectionism...
Harliat. Blake said: "The desire for excellence can be the motivation for your efforts, but the pursuit of perfection will only exhaust you physically and mentally." ”
Many people have a certain misunderstanding about the pursuit of perfection, and even think that it is just a positive disadvantage like studying too hard and working too hard.
Excessive flaunting of perfectionism has become a great excuse for many people to overdo it, and it sounds elegant and reasonable.
But the truth behind it is: insecurity, inferiority complex and dissatisfaction with the status quo.
There is a well-known story, the same half a glass of water, someone said: "There is also half a glass of water!" ”
Others say, "There's only half a glass of water left." ”
Obviously, a perfectionist is the one who only notices the missing half a glass of water.
Inner insecurity allows perfectionists to pay special attention to what they are missing.
Nine times out of ten life is not satisfactory, which leads them to live forever in dissatisfaction.
Others make unfair evaluations of themselves and others, amplifying the strengths and mistakes of others.
Inner inferiority makes them either choose to close themselves off or try to behave beyond ordinary people.
In addition, long-term dissatisfaction with work life and inability to face up to imperfections, it is easy to find ways to create the illusion of satisfaction.
Man is a creature that is accustomed to self-explanation, and in order to cover up the truth, we unconsciously find an excuse for ourselves.
What excuse is more perfect than "striving for perfection"?
On the surface, the habit of perfectionist thinking helps us successfully avoid mistakes and failures; at the same time, we lose the opportunity to break through our self-limitations again and again.
The authors say: "If you can bear some kind of misfortune and become strong because of it, then you don't need the so-called 'protection', without 'protection', you will become more excellent." ”
The "protection" here is perfectionism.
What is perfectionism?
Simply put, in addition to 100 points, 99.9 points are difficult to accept.
There is a hot topic in zhihu, some people describe themselves as pursuing perfectionism: "You can't use fragmented time, you have to take a whole day to study and learn to be complete and perfect." ”
Perfectionists set excessive goals and demands on themselves and those around them, trying to be foolproof.
Once you feel uncertainty, discomfort, and potential risks, you instinctively choose to procrastinate and give up.
There's a saying that goes, "Lower your expectations, make your dependencies less, and you'll be fine." ”
Accepting the imperfections in life is a subject that each of us should learn, and if we want to strive for perfection in everything, we are doomed to disappointment in the end.
When we're saying, "Either don't do it or do it best." When you say this, you probably forget that the premise of doing things well is: you have to start doing it first!
Compared with perfectionists, imperfections value the process more, believing that completion is more important than perfection.
Without the fear of failure, and without taking perfection for granted, we can accept the results of our efforts with a positive and serious attitude and an open mind.
The book How to Be An Imperfectionist argues, "The first benefit of being an imperfectist is that you can gain action in more situations, be less stressed, and achieve greater results." The braver, more confident, and relaxed a person is, the easier it is to accept imperfections in life. ”
You have to remember that the pursuit of perfection does not bring us substantial help, but only provides us with a perfect excuse, but in essence it is a manifestation of fear of difficulties and cowardice to failure.
If you want to be strong in life, you must learn to accept the imperfections in life.
In life, the embodiment of perfectionism is diverse, and in order to give us a more detailed understanding of how to deal with different perfectionisms, the author divides it into 5 branches:
1. Too much expectation
Perfectionists with high expectations often have negative emotions of anxiety, inferiority, lack of self-confidence, and irritability because reality cannot meet perfect expectations.
It is this unrealistic expectation that makes them very susceptible to mental depression and even suicide. After all, real life is full of imperfections.
As Francis said, "I can hold on to my imperfections, which are the essence of my life." ”
2. Tangled
Perfectionists who dwell on the past cannot accept their imperfections in the eyes of others, and it is difficult to let go of the wrong behavior that has already occurred.
They focus on the irrevocable hurts, costs, and sunk costs of misfortune, allowing past injuries to continue.
Life will not be as perfect as you think, it will only be unsatisfactory, fiercely destroying you and hitting you, and we, only bear, experience, live better.
3. Identify with the needs
Writer Wayne. Dale once said, "It's hard for those who want to get the approval of others to get their wish, but those who have the courage to be themselves always get more recognition." ”
Perfectionists want self-esteem and self-confidence through the approval of others, and hope that everyone will like themselves, but this is not possible in itself.
I have seen the saying: "A bird standing on a tree never fears a broken branch, because it believes not in the branches, but in its own wings." ”
4. Worry of negligence
Excessive fear of fault increases our anxiety and fear of action, and perfectionists make the decision to give up altogether because they can't face the failures they might cause, and never try anything again.
Maxwell Maltz said: "Imagine the response to difficulties, not to escape or bypass them, but to face them, to deal with them, to fight them in an aggressive and wise way." ”
5. Operational concerns
When presupposing what is about to be done, perfectionists exaggerate the difficulty of the action itself, and the pursuit of perfection causes them to be unable to act, becoming a mask of fear.
If you keep trying to find the best path in life, you will find that there is no so-called optimal solution, and clear goals and moving forward are the only choices we should make.
To be an imperfectist, first of all, we need to shift our focus from the result to the process, from the other to the self, from the problem itself to how to solve it.
Second, learn to follow imperfectistic process thinking: even imperfect thinking, imperfect decisions, imperfect actions, imperfect transformations can achieve results that are not necessarily perfect but successful.
In general: lower expectations, pay attention to the process, be kind to yourself, take positive action, and life will be rewarded.
Remember the fisherman who picked up pearls by the sea?
Unable to tolerate a tiny speck on the pearl, he tried to cut it off with a blade.
Finally the specks were gone, and the priceless pearls were gone.
If you're stuck in perfectionism, Stephen. Gass's How to Be An Imperfectionist can give you many actionable tips.
Oprah. Winfrey said, "I'm not a perfectionist. I'm just striving for excellence. There is an essential difference between the two. ”
Let's be an imperfectionist who strives for excellence.
(Picture from the Internet, invasion and deletion)
Author: Yu Mo, self-media operation, psychological counselor, copywriter mother who loves to read and write cats.