A few days ago, Tao Hong talked about a small matter of her daughter in a program. The child came back from school sullenly, saying that her classmates laughed at her ugly, and her self-esteem was hurt. At this time, the average parent may say that you are not ugly at all, you are beautiful. But Tao Hong asked her daughter, "Do you think you look ugly?" The child said, "I don't think I'm ugly," and Tao Hong asked, "Do you think you look pretty?" The daughter said, "I look pretty." At this time, Tao Hong smiled and said to her daughter, "You are not ugly or beautiful." But you are unique and cannot be copied by anyone." This sentence made the daughter suddenly happy and jumped away.
Netizens praised Tao Hong as a woman with high emotional intelligence, which is true. If we just praise the child's beauty, either blind confidence does not conform to the objective facts, or encourages the child's vanity and comparison. Tao Hong took this issue away from the level of discussing appearance and directly discussed women's self-perception. Everyone is unique, so beauty and ugliness should not only have a set of standards, self-confidence is far more important than beauty. Seeing one's own uniqueness is equivalent to seeing one's own beauty.
From the full film queen to the big director's wife, Tao Hong has been going smoothly. There was always an exudation of wisdom and transparency between her conversations. A woman who seems to be good at everything, but "lets go" herself everywhere in life.
When he and Xu Zheng fell in love and married, the two people's families were one in Shanghai and the other in Beijing. On the day of receiving the permit, they talked about which city to live in in the future. In fact, many people will argue over this issue. But Tao Hong suddenly smiled: "What's this, when the two people can't see each other, they are in their own homes, and when they have time, they will live in Beijing for a while and Shanghai for a while." No quarrels, no entanglements, each step is the wisdom of life.
A reporter asked whether Tao Hong's talent is important or hard work as an actor. She thought for a moment and said, "If there is talent, then one hundred percent effort." If that doesn't work, consider doing something else. "Willing to let go, know the advance and retreat, perseverance must also be used in the right place."
In educating children, Tao Hong used his wisdom of "letting go" very freely.
"Parents are not Gods, parents make mistakes"
When playing with blocks with her daughter once, Tao Hong found that her daughter was very interested, and no matter how Tao Hong tried to attract her daughter, she would not play. But she found that when she got up to do something else, her daughter would reach out and touch the blocks, but she had already walked over and her daughter turned and walked away. She felt strange about it. After several attempts to communicate, she understood that it was because her daughter was afraid of making mistakes in front of her mother. She felt that her mother had built building blocks so well, and she was afraid of losing people if she didn't behave well. Later, Tao Hong deliberately let Xu Zheng build blocks in front of the child very badly, and the child happily participated.
Tao Hong said that parents are not gods, and parents can also make mistakes. But we always raise an image of God when we educate our children, as if we are always right and our children are always wrong. This process will actually hit the child's self-confidence, start to fear the parents, and also fear failure and mistakes in front of the parents. This is why many children have the mentality of "not being able to lose" in front of their parents.
"Even the mother can't tolerate the mistake, who else in the world can tolerate it?"
Once, Tao Hong's daughter spilled the milk, and Tao Hong, who was in a hurry, shouted a few words to her daughter. The daughter didn't cry or lose her temper, she just looked away in confusion. Tao Hong said that at that moment, her daughter's expression made her very worried, she felt that the child who did not cry and did not cry should pay special attention, which may be the child's heart has been really hurt, and she is trying to be immune to you. So the second time the daughter made such a mistake, Tao Hong did not criticize her, but directly walked over and hugged her, at this time the daughter actually threw herself into her mother's arms and cried out, and her voice was full of grievances. It can be seen that the daughter of the last experience has been remembered in her heart, and if the mother still behaves like the last time, she may push the child farther.
In life, in order to cultivate good habits and character for children, we are often too harsh. Some parents even think that even if they let their children hate themselves and hate themselves in the future, they must be fierce now. Tao Hong has a different view on this. She doesn't force her child to do something she's resistant to right now. She felt that instead of doing something very annoying, she should do what she was good at, and maybe make some achievements. People just have to do good and do bad things, even if they try hard, they can't do everything.
Da Zhang Wei often said: "There is nothing difficult in the world, as long as you are willing to give up", which is of course a joke. The person who said this seemed cynical, but in fact, he was more desperate than anyone else for the cause he loved. But his words are similar to Tao Hong's philosophy of life. Why go down a road until it gets dark? Properly "let go" of children, and maybe you will open another, more exciting door for them.