Text/Xia Mo
01, frontispiece
Yishu said: "The people in the city seem to be glamorous, but in fact, they all have hidden loopholes. The seats are full of friends, and the guests are like clouds, but there may not be three or two people who can really talk to each other. ”
In this world, you may meet people like stars, and you can't count them, but there are not many people who really treat you.
There are people who, close to you, are just here to consume you.
They will draw a lot of energy from you, disturb your mind, and make your future path more difficult.
In this world, not all people will treat you well. If a person treats you like this, you must stay away from him, otherwise you will be in constant trouble.
02. If you are in trouble, I will ask you for help
Before, I had a friend who often contacted me. Every time you come to me, something must happen.
Either help her pick up and drop off the children, or if she doesn't know what to do, let me do it for her.
It's not a big deal to ask me for help. As long as she spoke, I never refused.
She thanked me every time, but she came to me more and more often, made more and more requests, and brought me more and more troubles.
Once, I asked her to look at the store for her, and she went out to the movies with her boyfriend.
As a result, she did not return by twelve o'clock in the evening.
Since then, I have refused her request, and three or four times since. Later, she bothered me less and less, and the relationship became more and more distant.
Some friends may seem to be close to you, but if you think about it, she will interact with you a lot because you can help them a lot.
He only thinks about solving his own problems, and never thinks about whether his interruptions are disrupting your rhythm. This kind of person is too selfish to be the best choice to be friends.
If there is good, he will be close to you. He has never taken the initiative to give you anything, and he has asked you to do things but is unceremoniously.
Such a person is not a friend at all, don't befriend him, staying away is the best choice.
03. People who like to kidnap you morally have no bottom line
Gu Tingye's uncles in "Do You Know" are all particularly shameless people.
They united with Xiao Qin's family and the eldest brother of the Gu family to embezzle the money belonging to Gu Tingye. also set up traps for him everywhere, kicked him out of the house, and ruined his reputation.
But Gu Tingye made a contribution to supporting the new emperor to ascend to the throne and became a high-ranking person.
The son of the Gu family's uncle committed a crime and was arrested, and they forced Gu Tingye to go to the court to intercede as relatives.
If he doesn't go, he will be unfaithful, unfilial, unkind and unjust, and he and his wife will not be able to live in peace.
Such relatives have too poor character and no bottom line, so it is better to have nothing.
A young Zen monk once said: "The most tired person in the world is the one who does not know how to refuse." ”
Some people, although they are close to you, bring you trouble and pain. They will only make demands on you and want to get more out of you.
When you are in trouble, they are far away.
After you succeed, they always talk to you and ask you to provide more help. Such a person is deep in the city and likes to take advantage of the people around him.
If you don't break up with them, you will be the one who suffers in the end.
04. There is no sense of boundaries and I like people who rely on you
Everyone has a different personality and is good at different things.
Some people are accustomed to showing weakness and currying favor.
I don't have much ability, but I am like a vine, I like to cling to others, absorb nutrients, and make my life better.
If you are too soft-hearted, the other party will entangle. Leaving you breathless and putting on too much pressure that doesn't belong to you.
They always interfere with your life too much, become a burden to you, habitually get nothing for nothing, and have no ability to be self-reliant.
The more you help such a person, the more greedy and lazy he will become.
There is a sentence in "The Godfather": "Soft-heartedness without boundaries will only make the other party gain an inch; Unprincipled kindness will only make the other person do whatever he wants. ”
When he doesn't get any benefit from you, he will think about self-reliance.
Instead of keeping a distance, he didn't let him get what he wanted, but helped him.
I don't know how to score inches, I am with you, I always ask, and there is no bottom line. Such a person, staying around, will definitely bring disaster to you.
05. Summary
There must be boundaries between people.
Don't pay too much attention to other people's feelings, and think about how it will affect you before agreeing to someone's request.
You can be kind to others, and you can also give the right amount of help to others.
But to make friends, you must be courteous.
If he asks for it without a bottom line and seriously disturbs your life, you must learn to refuse. Even if you turn your face, don't always wronged yourself.
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Author: Xia Mo, a cutting-edge emotional tutor, a psychology scholar, a popular emotional writer with more than 1 billion people on the whole network, a happy woman manager, focusing on emotion, sexes, and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law for more than ten years.